Mourning the loss of Harry (Mon 08 Oct 2007)

Ever since I finished reading the last Harry Potter novel, I can't help but feel that there is something missing from life. There's no plotting ways to steal minutes from each day to read; no more guilty bets being made on who dies. I know everything, and it's unsatisfying. It's like there's nothing left to live for...my only hope is that the movies continue their burgeoning excellence. :)

Mira's First Mania (Sun 07 Oct 07)

Despite my angst-ridden feelings towards The Television and its evil-ness, particular relative to child viewers, my daughter has developed her first show-infatuation. No, we still don't watch (any) TV in our house, but I have always allowed movies, within reason. They don't contain those god-awful, child-seducing marketing ploys dished out in regular seven minute intervals (or whatever it is) in the form of commercials. That's my biggest bone with TV, the next biggest bone being the oversexualization of pretty much everything. Whenever I happen to catch a glimpse of television it is both mortifying and disgusting. But anyway.Mira loves Monsters Inc. We think she rather fancies that Boo is an animated version of herself. Morning, noon and night she wanders around the house, asking, "Mon-sink, peez. Mon-sink peez," at varying levels of whine. At any rate, there are much worse things she could have developed an affinity for, so I'm trying to embrace her Monsters Inc. love as a minor toddler attachment.

Sunday October 7, 2007 - 09:03pm (PST)

Comments
Oh at least she's got good taste in movies! That one rocks!!!--M
Monday October 8, 2007 - 08:09am (PST)

We rode in a Monsters, Inc. ride at Disney's California Adventure! We got to ride in little taxicabs all through Monster-ville (or whatever that monster town is) and look for Boo. It was awesome. At the end of the ride, Roz told me she liked my glasses!--Amber

Proud Mama Moment! (Tue 02 Oct 07)

Yesterday was yet another busy day, with the afternoon capped off by a conference with Torrin's teacher. Miss Powell, first grade. As a brief sidenote, just after the school year had begun, my aunt Joyce asked Torrin if there were any pretty girls in his class. He said no, but his teacher was pretty cute. Starting on that older woman trend a bit early! But anyway.

Torrin's been kinda pissy lately. I don't know if it's some kind of resentment towards the Boy Who Lived, frustration with his sister's constant pestering, a combination of the two or neither of the preceding factors. Soooooo, it was kind of nice to go to the conference with his teacher and hear about what a great kid he is. "He is by far the best reader in my class," she gushed, before correcting herself and adding diplomatically, "well there is one other little girl who is almost as advanced in reading as he is." Torrin and that little girl, Ashley, get to go to the library when the rest of the class is working on reading because their skill level significantly surpassesthat of what their class is doing. They can work on reading chapter books or get 'challenge' assignments.

Torrin is also part of a group that goes with the gifted math instructor twice per week. In kindergarten they went once weekly, so that's an increase. His academic achievement burgeons in comparison to behavior concerns. He's far from perfect, and he's got an attitude, some selective listening, plus a whiny voice to prove it. But getting a glowing school report sure helps in the face of a pouty, tantrum-throwing six-year-old.

Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 08:06pm (PST)

Comments

Heh. Torrin has the same shirt as me.--Josh
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 09:14pm (PST)

Awesome! Do you throw temper tantrums too? :) --Jacinda
Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 06:36am (PST)

It's beeen a crappy week. (And as promised, pics...) (Fri 28 Sep 07)

I'm not going to go into the details of why the week has been crappy. But believe me, it has been, and it's been quite busy as well. So it was nice when the following was received as a surprise from The Boy Who Lived:

Then to make things better, we made good on our plans to make a pizza (his idea!). As in, actually make one, not just bake it. Neither of us had even done that before. And truthfully, he put forth 90% of the effort. All I did was chop up red pepper, some onion, and cook the sausages. We did cheat by not making the crust or tomato sauce; I'm willing to tackle the crust and he's more than willing to make a sauce next time. Here is the final product of Pizza No. 1 (Pizza No. 2 is waiting in the refrigerator to be baked tomorrow):

And now for a couple of pictures from last weekend...these are both motorcycle-related pics; the motorcycle belongs to The Chosen One's mother. We went for a nice ride. It's the beginning of fall, but still warm, so there was a beautiful selection of colors painted in the so-alive-it's-breathing scenery. First, me with Mira; then me with The Boy Who Lived on the bike:

Friday September 28, 2007 - 08:48pm (PST)

Comments
Helloooo, Leather Girl! ;)--julie
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 04:28pm (PST)

You are the epitome of bike chic! My week was awful, too. French feast and Omaha trip were great, it just wasn;t quite enough to steal the thunder from the craptastic events (and exes) of my life. I bought us some flowers for cheer, and my cat ate half of them. Your fleurs, on the otherhand, look lovely.--Amber,non-blogger extraordinaire

I promise to post pictures next time! :) (Tue 25 Sep 07)

Good news and bad news to report.

Bad news first:

We didn't get to go to the football game as planned. Someone was a scammer. But, rest assured, we are fairly certain that said person is now safely incarcerated. :)

Good news:

-Mira was actually pretty good in the car, even without her brother to entertain her, and without the aid of media in the form of a travel DVD player I didn't borrow from my mom. BUT she wouldn't stay asleep in the car, which was unfortunate given that most of our driving (12 hours there and 11 hrs back) was done at night. It's not 'supposed' to take quite that long to get there but we ran into traffic coming both to and fro and had to make several stops, given that we had a small child in our midst.

-I liked The Boy Who Lived's friends and family.-If possible, I like the Boy Who Lived even more. But as previously stated, I'm not sure that that's even a plausible concept.

-Mira behaved herself remarkably well (in relation to typical or probable Mira behavior based on prior experience). Although I might add it was somewhat peculiar to see The Chosen One's mom doing her hair, giving her a bath, taking her places, etc., especially given that I'd never met her before. It's all good, though, of course.

-I liked The Boy Who Lived's friends and family. (Oh wait, I already said that).

-If possible, I like the Boy Who Lived even more. (Oh wait, I already said that too).

Tuesday September 25, 2007 - 10:56pm (PST)

Comments
Rats...you missed the chance to sit in the freezing cold and watch guys run around and hit each other with a ball. But still, the cheering and the hot dogs would be fun! And beer!--Amber
Wednesday September 26, 2007 - 10:21am (PST)

That's a long damn drive for no game! Sucky. But I'm sure glad you can see the positives... and what good positives they are! :)--julie
Wednesday September 26, 2007 - 06:00pm (PST)

hey hey amber...there was no freezing cold! it was beautiful!
Friday September 28, 2007 - 08:27pm (PST)

This is a bit sudden, isn't it? (Fri 21 Sep 2007)

We're driving to WHOOPS-NEVERMIND today. Yeah, um, we'll just say, hop-skipping a state or two or three or whatever-who-cares over, a ten hour drive, and yes Miss Mira will be in the vehicle. We're going to meet the Boy Who Lived's family, as well as go to a professional football game...I'd say the team, but that'd give me away, wouldn't it? There's actually a pretty good story that goes along with how this all came about but...shoot, I need to be packing. And don't bother about the itty-bitty detail that I have to go to work, too.

Unfortunately, we have to turn around and come back immediately following the game because I have a training to attend in Omaha on Monday morning. Positive Parenting or some other possible BS, possible valuable information...for its sake and my own, it had better be the latter as opposed to the former.

Friday September 21, 2007 - 12:32am (PST)

Comments
Have a fun trip! I hope the drive is... quiet. :)--julie
Friday September 21, 2007 - 10:03am (PST)

Wooo! Have fun! Good oluck with the drive! Enjoy yourself! (GIVE DETAILS when you're back! ;) )--M
Saturday September 22, 2007 - 11:54am (PST)

Damn. Pumpkin. (Tue 18 Sep 07)

My big toe hurts.
Left foot rammed into a pumpkin as I innocuously perused produce at the grocery store about half an hour ago. Oh, whoops, stubbed my toe. Uttered a curse of some sort and went about my...OW!Why does it still hurt so much? I looked down, and saw blood trickling from under my toenail. Great, I've cracked my toe nail on a flippin' pumpkin? Feeling like an idiot, I bend over beside my cart to more closely inspect my bleeding toe. The nail's not cracked. So it's bleeding...why? And it's still throbbing with agony...why? There's pumpkin bits jammed under my toenail. WTF. My toe nail is neither particularly long nor sharp. But apparently it sliced right into that pumpkin at just the right angle...Feeling even more moronic, I bend back over, and start to pick at my bleeding toe nail...in the grocery store produce section...digging out pieces of pure-evil-pumpkin. Worse still, I'm now home and unable to determine if there's any pumpkin left under there (because damn it still aches...actually, though, getting kinda numb now) and heaven-be-damned if I'm gonna seek treatment for Pumpkined Toenail. Gross. And stupid.

Tuesday September 18, 2007 - 06:54pm (PST)

Comments
Oh. my. ow. eww. yuck. EEEEEEEP!!!Maybe you, uh, SHOULD have it looked at? Just in case? Can you imagine pumpkin rot infection in your wounded toe? SICK! (Of course wtf would they do? Look at it, shrug, and say come back if it gets worse most likely.)BTW the character left limit on here makes me amused. I mean, I could probably never meet it I just like watching it tick down super fast as I cruise along.I am way too easily amused. And off topic.Your toe. I feel for it. I'm so so sorry.--M
Wednesday September 19, 2007 - 07:08pm (PST)

I felt like such a whiny b*tch posting this but damn it was true, it DID hurt, and guess what, I DO think it's infected...great. I'll see how it feels in the morning...wait, it is morning...okay, later this morning when I'm SUPPOSED to be awake...Glad the character limit is amusing you. I must admit I kinda like it too. :)
Friday September 21, 2007 - 12:25am (PST)

I've never heard of a pumpkin infection before. Just clean it out really good and slap on Neosporin? And go yell at the idiot who put the pumpkin there in the first place!--julie
Friday September 21, 2007 - 10:05am (PST)

I had a good birthday, thanks :) (Sat 15 Sep 2007)

Thanks to the many MySpace well-wishers (and the few I did see in person too). I had a good day. It started off in usual business form, with a meeting at 9am where my agency got totally bashed and reprimanded and followed by a person who was an hour late to her appointment after practically yelling at me over the phone the day before because I couldn't pay for her grandchild's birth certificate at that very moment. But she was polite when she did arrive, and thankfully was pleasant enough throughout the rest of the ordeal. Actually, even though I was hella busy at work on my birthday ('twas Thursday, the 13th--next year will be a Friday again! Yay), everyone was at least cordial. If you don't know, I work at a Native American community cultural center as Executive Assistant and also help with family services, which is what truly encompasses most f my time spent there. I was busy all day long doing intakes, giving diapers and personal hygiene items to families and other sorts of things, but not a one of those people was rude or overly demanding, which is often the case. :)

The wand and halo were a gift from a beloved co-worker. You know, one of the few I don't feel like strangling on a regular basis. In the evening, we went to play Laser Tag with my son, my son's dad, my son's friend, two of my younger brothers, and The Boy Who Lived. It was fun, and I screamed a lot. Because, I scream, that's my thing. I don't mean to do it, I just do.

At night, we went with my friend Edie, and again, The Chosen One. Had fun. Drank a bit. Stayed out too late, but not to the point where I had a hangover or couldn't get to work in the morning.

Heaven Help Us All (Mon 10 Sep 2007)

I'm really coming to the end of my rope in terms of Voldemort. I refuse to share with him the identity of the Boy Who Lived. Absolutely refuse. No matter who he threatens to call in attempt to harvest information, despite the many insults he slings my way. Interestingly, there is a source of information right under his nose. Thankfully, that source has remained mysteriously silent. I don't understand why or how this is possible, but I am grateful for this tiny bit of censorship (because it certainly has nothing to do with any allegiance towards me).

Too Cute for Her Own Good (Fri 07 Sep 2007)

Who would believe that this child is a tyrant? And it gets worse...she's developing her speech skills at an alarming rate, finally...just try to say no to this cute little face after its corresponding cute little voice asks for "moooore peeeze" of something. Or try to deny her being picked up when she asks for "hug, peeeze."

On the other hand, she is getting very good about going to her time-out spot, and coming out of said time-out spot better behaved.

Friday September 7, 2007 - 10:45am (PST)

Comments

The time out spot is the next step here. I have serious doubts that she'll stay. But you're right... tyrant is the perfect word to describe it.--julie
Friday September 7, 2007 - 09:57pm (PST)

OMG tyrant is so unbelievable because what a doll she is. She always looks so grown up. Though time out spot? I am SUPER jealous that works! WOOT for effective punishment!--M

Saturday September 8, 2007 - 07:19am (PST)

Mama Heart Attack! (Mon 03 Sep 2007)

It's Labor Day. La-dee-freakin' da, but hey, cool, we get to stay home 'n chill. Or something like that.


So, there I was, nonchalantly cooking a gourmet lunch of macaroni and cheese and green beans. Waiting for the water to boil. Torrin and Mira had been permitted to go outside, but only on the porch. The silence on the porch was a dead giveaway to the lack of instruction-following, so I paraded on outside, slightly nervous at what may be transpiring on the perimeter of my house. Of course, they're not on the porch. Look down the west side of the house, towards the back, where we park our car and there's a ton of gravel. Mira loves to throw rocks. No sign of the two.


Okay, starting to feel a bit panicked. I yell, "Tooooooooorrin!" No response.


Back to the front of the house, look down the block to the east and up toward the west. Nothing, at first, except it looks like the neighbors a few buildings away are having another garage sale.


Wait a second! There's Torrin on his bike, coming toward the house, down the hill. He gets going pretty fast on that hill sometimes...


Where's Mira?


Oh, sh*t! She's on the bike too!

Yeah, no training wheels...they've been absent for over a year now. I guess Torrin is a pretty steady rider after all...and that four-and-a-half year age difference is seeming to not interfere much with sibling scheming...


Monday September 3, 2007 - 02:09pm (PST)


Comments
OMG I would've freaking died.
That said? That pic is unreasonably cute and Mira is really sobworthy old now!--M
Monday September 3, 2007 - 04:18pm (PST)

Makes for a great picture, though!--Amber
Monday September 3, 2007 - 06:33pm (PST)

Like, OMG, Becky, her butt is soooo big. (Sat 01 Sep 2007)

Thursday, I went to my local friendly slightly ghetto downtown YMCA. This is nothing unusual; we go there a couple of times per week. I did my typical 20 minutes on the elliptical. At one point I looked up from my book long enough to turn my head and see a little, blonde, fakely-orange tanned girl totally scrutinizing her rear end in the mirror in full view of everyone in the room, including one or maybe two men. Ummmokay. Whatever. Back to Harry Potter.

Next I set out to do my weight training circuit which is on the same floor adjacent to the cardio machines. Again, nothing unusual. In fact, since we had gone later than we normally do in the evening, it was actually less crowded and I was able to go through the first six machines without interruption or having to wait for someone to get off of something. Now, on the seventh machine, an inner thigh deal, The Blonde Butt-Checking Girl was sitting. And had been sitting. In fact, she hadn't used the machine at all in the past five minutes that she'd been sitting on it. She was doing her makeup. And text messaging on her phone.

Now this is all fine and dandy but it was pretty obvious that I was going to want to use that machine. I was utilizing the circuit, doing 1 or 2 sets of 10-20 reps on each machine, in order. And it's annoying to go out of order because they're set up in a way that you won't do two different leg or arm machines consecutively; that is, there'll be a leg machine followed by something for the arms following by another kind of leg thing and then something for your abs or back. Or whatever. Anyway, she was in my way and she was either oblivious or didn't care. So, I skipped around her, grudgingly, screwing up my sequence. I'm next to her, using an upper arm machine, as she continues to waste space (and oxygen) on herself, sitting on the inner thigh machine, not using it or anything. She gets up. I'm excited, thinking she's finally going to move. Nooooo. She just stands there, directly adjacent to the machine, in such a way that she's in the way and she has to know it by now. So what does she do? Calls up her friend. "Heeeey! I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me tomorrow to get our nails done? Or do you work? I need to get my nails done!"

You're freakin' kidding me. Thank god, she left after that.

Saturday September 1, 2007 - 10:12am (PST)

If you can't take the heat, get yo a$s out da kitchen. (Tue 28 Aug 2007)

Actually I think that maybe I'm the one who can't take the heat. Strange, too, that this should happen when I've been feeling happier. Not that I was depressed before...I haven't had that problem since well before Mira was born, and since a good deal before I got pregnant too. But nonetheless, I am happier lately. So why am I so stressed out? Yeah, sure, I could elaborate...I have some ideas. But...maybe in the future, I'll get into it.

Holy Rotten Terror. (Sun 26 Aug 2007)

Here she is, spawn of the devil...Seriously, this child? Who above appears in sleeping angelic bliss? Last evening and this morning she screamed as she has never screamed before. Which in and of itself may not be that bad but we were also in the company of people we had never before met. How 'bout that for first impressions! We had gone to Famous Dave's, and Mira seriously screamed her way through the entire production. It was awful. Then this morning, I had a few extra people who had stayed over here at our house, and she was at it again, yelling like a banshee about every little thing. Relentless. Pair it off with a few other mishaps that I won't elaborate on right now, and...yikes. Thankfully, well...I'll just leave it at that.

Sunday August 26, 2007 - 01:10pm (PST)

Comments

Sorry. Obviously Liam gave her the memo that acting like a hellion is 'cute' and 'amusing'. Too bad that's wrong all wrong. That said? She really is remarkably adorable. Even if demonic. (Which, I'm certain, is the only reason my son is still alive. He's too cute to throw in the river!)--M
Tuesday August 28, 2007 - 08:20am (PST)

Y'know,I often have trouble believing that Liam is ever rotten, despite blow-by-blow pics illustrating otherwise, b/c in every picture, he's so darn cute!
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 06:46am (PST)
Author: lajacinthe

After 3 weeks in California with children who were truly evil (but angelic when sleeping), I find myself slower to label any other children as being that naughty. Even my niece.--Amber
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 05:07pm (PST)

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Sat 25 Aug 2007)

Today, I realized that Mason isn't cute anymore.It has nothing to do with a change in his physical appearance, at least, not one of which I am aware. I've noticed a gradual decline in the Cuteness Factor of You-Know-Who over the past six weeks or so, but it didn't really jar me until today. On this lovely Saturday, his lack of cuteness really struck me hard.This happened once in the past, in 2005, when I was pregnant with Mira and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was such a jerk. On that day, I stood outside of Burnett Hall on campus and saw that he was not attractive anymore. Shortly thereafter, an argument ensued which ended with him accusing me of prostitution and spitting on me. Strangely enough Certain Special Someone has been getting cuter and cuter...coincidence? I think not.

Saturday August 25, 2007 - 01:16pm (PST)

Comments
Strange how that works, huh? Nothing changes but everything does. I'm so glad there's someone cuter (and not an ass) to focus on.funny...my code word included "sly4u" *snort* coincidence? surely not. i bet 'sly' fits Mason quite well.--M
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 09:02pm (PST)

Bad Mama in the House! (Sat 25 Aug 2007)

I dyed Torrin's hair. Or, as he put it shortly thereafter, I "dialed" his hair. I think he was making a combination of 'dyed' and 'styled.' It's mahogany brown, AKA dark enough so that his hair matches better with his sister's and my darker shades but light enough that it doesn't look entirely unnatural with his eyebrows and face.
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 12:54pm (PST)

Comments
Oh his dialed hair is so cute though!! Man he's grown up!!!--M
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 09:03pm (PST)

Next time he wants it black with two blue stripes. (!)
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 11:13pm (PST)
Author: lajacinthe

Stylin dude!--Amber
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 05:04pm (PST)

All right, where's my trophy? (Wed 22 Aug 07)

Guess what I did last night? I lost my car key!I think it may be in the trunk. I was loading up the trunk with recyclables last night and it was after that when I realized the key was nowhere in sight. I'd been cleaning, so it should have been fairly visible, and Mira and Torrin weren't home so I know that one of them (Mira) didn't run off with it. Everything's okay. I'm at work right now, and yes, I drove here. I called a locksmith last night, and I did have a spare key in the middle console. I'll let you know if it was in the trunk or not after I drop stuff off at the recycling site.

Wednesday August 22, 2007 - 06:46am (PST)

Comments
It was in a plastic bag, in the trunk, along with a bunch of plastic #1 and #2 bottles waiting to be recycled...WOW I am so awesome... :)
Friday August 24, 2007 - 08:23am (PST)

I've Got a First Grader (Mon 20 Aug 2007)

Torrin marched off to his first day as a first-grader this morning. It was a much rougher start than last year for kindergarten; I'm sure he'll improve as the day continues. He went to bed kind of late, and his temperament has gotten rather adolescent-moody as summer has progressed. I think school will help smack him back into six-year-old reality.

Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:36am (PST)

Comments
Well, he certainly had a lot to say to me about first grade when we spoke. He also mentioned that, although there are no cute girls in his class, he does have a cute teacher. What a doll!--Amber
Wednesday August 22, 2007 - 09:55pm (PST)

Um...wow. I guess his teacher is kinda cute. (!!!)
Thursday August 23, 2007 - 09:03am (PST)

Checkin' Out-E (Wed 15 Aug 2007)

No kids.
Three hours away in a different city.
Different state. Going to a water-themed amusement park.
Gonna eat some scrumptious food.

Oh, HECK yeah. I'm so pumped I already don't want to come back, and I don't leave until late tomorrow morning.

Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 12:00pm (PST)


Comments
LMAO...we didn't make it to Oceans of Fun. It was the weather!!! Yeah, right, the weather! LOL. We had fun.
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:38am (PST)

Juggling (Mon 13 Aug 2007)

is not something that I am good it. This sucks immensely. As much as I don't want to deal with Mason knowing about Certain Someone, it's getting really silly coordinating the picking-up and dropping-off of Mira where her father is concerned. Uh-oh, Mason's coming! Um...hurry, let's drop Certain Someone off around the corner and pick you back up again following Mason's departure. Oh, crap, hello, Mason. Let me cover up those clothes that don't belong to me so that you can't see them. Whoops, lemme take out that trash before you arrive so that you don't inspect its contents. Torrin, don't mention Certain Someone! Torrin says? "Yeah, I know mom, we don't want to make Mason mad." And, "Yeah, I remember that time when the cops came. What were you guys arguing about again?" "I remember I was hiding in the closet because I was scared." This is just ridiculous. I think it's time to come out of hiding, no matter how painful it may initially seem.

Monday August 13, 2007 - 09:52am (PST)


Comments
this entry kinda broke my heart.seriously mason needs to be sent to a far away island. by his own craptacular self. you and the kidfolk don't deserve that drama! BOO HISS!--M
Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 06:31pm (PST)

Sad thing is that when he's in a sh*tty mood, that's exactly what he wants. No, wait, what he wants is to be dead. How depressing is that?
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:42am (PST)

ENFP: The Advocate (Fri 10 Aug 2007)

http://jacinda.mypersonality.infofor/For some reason geocities is being a punk and I can't post a picture. So I tried, and the html code won't work. I checked it, double-checked, and triple-checked and everything was fine. I follow the the link and tried to save the picture so that I can go the old-fashioned route, but I can't save it as a .jpg or .jpeg file. Jerks.

Even More thoroughly complicating matters (Thu 09 Aug 2007)

Last night Mason took Mira for a couple of hours. When he brought her home, just before he drove off in his car, he asked me if he could have the key back. "The Key" as in, my only other spare key to my house, and The Key is currently in possession of my father, who is currently staying with me. Of course, he can't have the key. I like the fact that he doesn't have a key, and I don't want him to have a key again. But the mere truth that he wants to have The Key again is troublesome.

Further Complicating Matters (Tue 07 Aug 2007)

E-mail message received from Mason today (condensed slightly):

Maybe it's not exactly like you like to say.... "My mood changes by the minute", but maybe it's that I have conflicting feelings that go back and forth. I want you to be alone and unhappy vs. I want you to find someone good and be happy for the rest of your live(s). I want to die vs. I want to live. I want to be with you b/c I love you and could see us being SO happy vs. I can't forgive or trust you and can't see us being happy.

In the mean time, well, I am happy right now. With someone else. I can only hope that it lasts for at least a little while.

Multitalented, Pt. II (Mon 06 Aug 2007)

I locked my keys in my car yet again last week. This time it was at work. Luckily someone here was able to get them out...thank you, Barb. I'm totally scatterbrained lately.

I'm at work and Torrin is here with me. Day camp ended last week and school doesn't start for two more weeks. It's not so bad having him here at work with me, but it is more nerve-wracking having him while I'm at class. He just hung out in the hallways and was delighted to find out that there was a vending machine/game room. He'll probably spend most of his time in there from now on. It keeps him occupied, but I don't like him being so far away.

Monday August 6, 2007 - 09:21am (PST)

Comments
So...do you win a special prize or something!!? ;)--Amber
Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 11:38am (PST)

And then a few days later TORRin almost locked the keys in the car...luckily there was one door that wasn't locked and he was mistaken when he came running, miesrably, to tell me of his locked-keys-in-car-fate. I think we DO deserve SOME kind of prize or trophy or something.
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:46am (PST)

Torrin Swims. (Mon 30 Jul 2007)

It's awfully cute. He can dive, too. I think he's had a pretty good summer. He's been going to Spanish Language Immersion day camp. It's less Spanish lessons than it is recreation, but that's okay too. It is summer after all, and one of the best things about being a kid is having summers off. I'm not the sort of mom to make Torrin sit around and do workbooks. All that stuff seems pretty artificial to me. What's more important is that he has plenty of opportunities for natural learning, which are so easy to find. Simple things, like reading a book to his sister or counting money...hello, language arts and mathematics. Learning by rote memorization isn't of much benefit to most of us anyway...those with so-called 'photographic memories' aside. And so far, it's working...

Multitalented (Sat 28 Jul 2007)

I locked my keys in my car just off I-80 at the Aurora exit.

And my phone.
And my Mira.
And my wallet, money, etc.

Of course, I didn't mean to...I was just putting something into the trunk while Torrin and my father used the restrooms in the gas station.

Called the Sheriff...they were busy with a 9-11 call.
Called a locksmith. He was out of town.
Called Sprint, because I have Roadside Rescue Assistance on my plan. Waited on hold for 10 minutes.
Finally, someone helped us out and we got into the car. Mira never woke, thankfully.

Saturday July 28, 2007 - 01:59pm (PST)

Comments
Next time just wake Mira up and have her get the keys.--Joshua
Saturday July 28, 2007 - 08:47pm (PST)

I wish! She doesn't know how to unlock the doors yet. Nice to see you post, haven't heard from you in forever. --Jacinda
Monday July 30, 2007 - 11:12am (PST)

Paranoid.

I'm always afraid to write about Mason because, although he does not, he could so very easily stumble upon this little place where I vent about him so often.

And now I'm paranoid about writing about a certain someone else, but for an entirely different yet strangely similar reason. That person...I like.

Friday July 27, 2007 - 12:25pm (PST)

Comments
Ooh! ooh! Maybe you could use a CODE name for the someone else. That way, i can still live vicariously through your tale of almost romance.--Amber
Monday August 6, 2007 - 12:49pm (PST)

I've been referring to him mostly as 'Certain Someone' or sometimes 'Certain Special Someone.' And I think it's safe to drop the "almost" from the phrase "almost-romance" at this point too. :D
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:48am (PST)

Goin' 2 Da Rez (Sat 21 Jul 2007)

We're getting ready to go to Macy this morning, for the funeral of a woman who's like my grandma, actually my biological grandmother's sister.

I got a call yesterday while I was in Anatomy lab from a woman I have never met and only talked to once when I was probably 11 years old. She's my mother's eldest biological sister. My parents are both adopted, but my mom knows who her birth mother is (was). So there's all this family that I don't know. And hopefully someday we'll find out where my father comes from too.

On a positive note...

I do like someone. It's wonderful, this feeling that the air is electric.

This is why...

So last night Mason was over at my house to play with Mira. As usual, his eyes looked all red. And along with a buncha other junk, he proceeded to tell me that he had a dream about me the night before. In his dream, I had a boyfriend, and Mason was reacting in anger and violence.So encouraging!

Tipi Time!

We're going camping this week at Pawnee Lake with the Indian Center program. You know, since that's where I work and everything. :) On Tuesday afternoon, we went out to set up two tipis...I won't be staying in one, though. They are for the youth. One for girls, one for boys.And if I haven't mentioned, I am SUPER busy now. With work, a 5-week Anatomy course, Torrin, Mira, my kitties, and general familial conerns, YIKES! (as I sit here, posting from work...just checked my bank account, too...whoops).
Friday July 13, 2007 - 09:37am (PST)

Comments
These are the times you wish for boredom! But you are a good multi-taker, and at least it means there is never a dull moment ;)Amber--Amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 11:40pm (PST)

Mason Is Not My Boyfriend

In case there is any confusion...Or maybe I'm just clarifying it for myself, who knows.But it does seem like people think that there is more to the relationship between Mason and I than there really is.Yes, he went with us to Chicago, but he wasn't there as my boyfriend or partner. He cooperated, as he is Mira's father and all, and he paid for stuff...I paid for the bulk of the lodging cost...we drove his car, he bought the gas. A coordinated effort, yes, but not the effort of a couple.

Actually, we haven't actually beeen boyfriend and girlfriend in something like three years. I've known him for nearly five; the bulk of our time 'in knowing' has been spent fighting, not speaking, or just nothing. Sure, there are times when he acts like he cares, but his swirling shadow of insecurity, jealousy, judgment and assumption always gets in the way. Yeah, we went to Kansas City together in March. That was my doing. I decided, for once, to take charge and make something happen. Over the course of our relationship, it's always been 'something' or anything at all only when Mason feels like it. I am the devil, everything is always my fault. I feel so used. In regards to Mason, I am a total pushover. Whenever he has shown the slightest interest in the past couple years, I drop everything on the chance of a teeny-tiny, faint, glimmer of hope. I feel a sort of a duty towards him, like I owe him. So I decided to take some initiative and make something happen that was my own doing. We did it, it worked; but nothing lasting came forth from the effort.

When Mira was born, Mason wouldn't sign the birth certificate. He didn't believe she was his. She looked a little bit like the last of the Mohicans, yes, but she also looked remarkably like me as a baby. There were no other possibilities as to who her father was. Absolutely zero chance. Not only do I know when and where she was conceived, but there was nothing and noone else. Despite what Mason says about me, and my character...When Mira was very small (and coincidentally enough, prior the the genetic testing results which named Mason as father with a 99.99% probability), Mason exploded at me, demanding to know how many men I'd slept with since Mira's birth. The honest truth was that there was noone but him, miserly, miserable Mason. He was certain that because I had elected to take birth control Depo-Provera shots at my six-week postpartum checkup, that I was sleeping around with whoever, whatever. In actuality that was done purely for his benefit. After everything I went through being pregnant with Mira (and don't get me wrong, the pregnancy itself was highly routine) there was no way I was going to subject myself to all of that mess again. Every time I run my tongue over my teeth, which happens several times a day, I am reminded why. My front tooth was chipped ever so slightly during that particular altercation, when Mason pushed me, holding tiny baby Mira, to the floor in my kitchen, at my house where he stayed for seven months but never claimed to live with me. He always said he was living with his mother (loser) even though he was at my house for two hundred nights in a row without interruption. And that's hardly the worst of it; it's just the only lasting blemish.

So why, WHY do I go on as I do, hoping for this mess of stupidity?

Before our trip to Chicago, there was someone I was sort of talking to. He was nice and made good conversation, but it was nothing more than talking. I don't know what happened; I haven't heard from him in about three weeks, minus a brief mostly-chance encounter which yielded no clues and no progress. Hmm.Well now, I guess, maybe, just maybe, things might be a bit different. I'm still not sure that I'm 'over' Mason. I have this feeling that I never really will be, but I am going absolutely crazy in the meantime. I don't want to hurt anyone. But mostly, I don't want to be hurt anymore, either.

Monday July 16, 2007 - 07:59pm (PST)

Comments
Oh honey I wish I could fix the Mason Mess for you. You deserve better for your heart than what you write here. Any chance of the big bad therapy word to try to help break the cycle for you?Wanna come over and eat candy corn with me? I hear it helps! xoxox--M
Thursday July 19, 2007 - 01:35pm (PST)

I would love to come over and eat candy corn with you! But the whole living a thousand miles away thing might get in the way. :)
Friday July 20, 2007 - 11:05am (PST)

Fu¢ker!

Mira said fu¢ker today!

Of course, it's all my fault. We were downtown trying to find a parking space at the YMCA so that Torrin could go to his swimming lessons. And, of course, we had only, like seven minutes to get parked, inside, and down to the swimming pool. An SUV backed out of its spot just ahead of us, when this dopey red Cavalier came scooting across two lanes to pop into the asphalt void. And since I'm such a classy, verbose sort of person, I uttered the first thing that came to mind: FU¢KER! To which Mira immediately parroted, "fu¢ker!"
Torrin thought it was hilarious.
I did, too, as much as I would have liked not to.
So she repeated it again.
More laughter.
Thankfully, that was the end of it, and then she started chattering about something else. We'll see if it sneaks back into conversation anytime soon. I'm hoping not. ;) And, I have chocolate, so everything's okay. Loneliness? Desolation? Frustration? Lack of appreciation? Whatev. The chocolate will always love me.

Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 08:46pm (PST)

Comments
Oh! Be still my heart! The girl utilizing my fave profanity already? *swoons* BEAUTIFUL! (And horrifying. I will absolutely DIE when Liam someday mimics the word. I use it far far too much.)--M
Friday July 13, 2007 - 11:43am (PST)

Yesterday, Gage was over to play. He brought his toy chicken and called it his "big fat cock." I thought I was going to die with laughter.--amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 04:36pm (PST)

Kids are funny like that.-amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 09:07pm (PST)

OK....that was probably not the most appropriate way to share that story....but I can't go back and delete/edit my comments. Sorry!--Amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 11:37pm (PST)

It's okay, Amber. I know you and Gage, so I know...I'm sure it was funny. Mira used to pronounce the sock "cock." Now she calls them "cockies." I think it's hilarious.
Wednesday July 18, 2007 - 12:47pm (PST)

I want chocolate, darnit!

Such a sad thing, when a girl wants chocolate and doesn't have any! Even sadder when that girl has no food stamp benefits to go and buy some! *blush* Well, it's Monday morning (albeit very early, 1:15AM) and the work week has commenced. I can't say I'm excited. I've got a fat report to write this morning, in order to finish another fat report, this afternoon. Then I can start transcribing an interview. Barf. Maybe I'll try to wake up early (yeah, right) so that we can bikeride to work, daycare, and day camp and get some sanity-saving interludes of peace. And then maybe I can even stop somewhere and purchase some much-needed chocolate.

Where, oh where, do my weekends go?

Oh where, oh where could they be?
Seriously, what happens to them? Just like anyone else working the typical M-F gig, I look forward to my weekends immensely. A chance to relax, unwind, catch up on sleep, lounge around. Except that I never have the time to do that! Our weekends always get all booked up. Today it was a vet appointment for one of our kitties; a birthday party for one of Torrin's kindergarten classmates; a trip to the post office for a package that would have fit in our mailbox; visiting the great grandfather; and working out at the YMCA; only the last of which could be said to have been done completely for my own well-being at my own choice, free of others' input. This was not our busiest of weekend days, by far, either. Tomorrow we'll head to my grandmother's before we trek over to a friend's house to help with some cleaning. I hope to goodness that we are able to come home after that so that I can work on my own darn house.And what the heck is wrong with my memory card reader? It won't recognize my SD memory card on this computer, either. The camera hasn't seemed to have any problems with it. WTF.

Saturday July 7, 2007 - 11:55pm (PST)

Comments
I know what you mean about weekends. They are never long enough! Cute pic of Mira! I know I'm a bad mommy for saying this, but the crying pics are so freakin' cute!
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:31pm (PST)

OK, that last comment was from me... I didn't mean to be anonymous!--julie
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:31pm (PST)

It's okay, I know I'm difficult by not using blogspot, livejournal, etc., like everyone else. :)
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:57pm (PST)

Independence Day...and back to Lincoln

We got back this morning around 5:30AM. It was a looooong drive, a looooong night, and a looooooong day today as well. Every time Torrin asked, "why are you so tired, mom?" it got a little bit longer. Torrin was pretty insistent that he, too, had stayed up almost all night (he was passed out by 10:30PM) and he felt fine, so, why didn't Mom feel great too? And nevermind that we walked for. EVER! yesterday, through 3 museums and up and down Michigan Avenue, without a stroller. Mason wasn't with us, either, so it was just me lugging Mira around. Mason evidently didn't hear me when I instructed him to pack the stroller into his trunk...oh well, the kids were great.

For those of you who don't know, we went to Chicago to meet a bunch of moms from an online bulletin board community that I've been visiting since I was pregnant with Mira. Never would I have guessed, two years ago, that I'd be meeting several of those moms in person. It was great. We rented a house out in the suburbs, five moms, and on Sunday more moms and kids showed up to join the Wild Rumpus. Then on Monday it was off to downtown Chicago and the more traditional sightseeing. We went to the Hancock Observatory, ate Giordano's pizza, and went to H&M that evening, since there is no H&M in Lincoln or Omaha. Tuesday was jam-packed for Torrin, Mira, and I as we trekked to the Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, and Adler Planetarium. And ohhhhh, there was a Godiva store just across the street from a Hershey store just off of Michigan Avenue across from the Water Tower. Chocoheaven!

I'm eating an Extra Rich Scharffen Berger Milk Chocolate bar as I type. Smooth, chocolatey bliss, it is.Mason tried very hard to behave. And, given the fact that he was the only grown male staying in the house (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights) he really did do quite well. We had approximately three arguments, but none escalated beyond control. And now that he's had his hair transplant surgery, give him six months and he might have a wee bit more self-confidence, too. I'm not banking on this to be the cure-all that he seems to think it will be, but if it makes him happier, so be it. He went through with it despite having no support. Does that make him determined, or just insane? That's your call. My bet is on the latter.

Thursday July 5, 2007 - 12:14am (PST)

Comments
Hair transplant surgery?! Hmm--at what age again? Have to go with the latter, as well! I AM glad that everything went as smooth as is could have from the sounds of it : ) I bet the wee ones had a blast in Chicago!--E.D.
Thursday July 5, 2007 - 04:01pm (PST)

Welcome back, doll.....the trip sounds fantastic! Pizza + Chocolate=HAPPY!Call me to spill all the details.-Amber--Amber
Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 10:27am (PST)

You were in chocolate heaven?! --Tasha
Wednesday July 11, 2007 - 07:19pm (PST)

4 hours and 14 minutes... (Thu 28 Jun 2007)

'til we leave for Chicago. Wish us luck, we may need it!
Thursday June 28, 2007 - 09:46pm (PST)

Comments
You will have a fantastic time. Make sure to fill me in on everything when you get back! (how the kids did on the plane, hotel stuff, sightseeing, etc).--Amber
Saturday June 30, 2007 - 08:24pm (PST)

So very very jealous. I hope you did have fun it looked just lovely!--M
Monday July 2, 2007 - 03:03pm (PST)

Me sis 'n me stepmammy (Thu 28 Jun 2007)

http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/06/28/news/local/doc4682f8a7a03b9450346479.txtI am so proud of my little sister but this article just makes me wanna weep. It's about prisoners at the York Women's prison (i.e., my stepmother). When they talk about her (and my dad) starting to use again after the birth of her second child? Yeah, I was there for that. And when the grandma came to take the kids away? I was walking with them to a friend's house.
Thursday June 28, 2007 - 11:39am (PST)

Comments
Totally broke my heart.
Monday July 2, 2007 - 12:28am (PST)

Another Roadblock Deterring My Quest Towards Happiness (or something resembling it, anyway) (Mon 25 Jun 07)

Okay, so I told Jerry tonight that I was thinking about moving to St. Louis. He didn't really say much, and asked if he could keep Torrin, but I thought he was joking. He didn't really sound serious. I said something about how it would be just for two years, we'd be back after that, and I'd send Torrin on a plane to see him or whatever. Well, then when he goes to leave, he says, "You won't take him without a fight." WTF? I am the custodial parent...I bear him no ill will...when he goes to his dad's house, he doesn't even play with his dad. He plays video games, watches TV, and plays with whichever children may be running around there. Nothing is set in stone. Well, I guess I won't be asking him to babysit for awhile, anyway. Wouldn't want to set a precedent of seeming like I don't want the kid/s or anything. Crap. I just want a chance at happiness, to find something, someone, or noone at all, and learn to live without the Unhealthy BS that is Mason.

SIGH.

Monday June 25, 2007 - 10:46pm (PST)

Comments

His response was probably some kind of knee-jerk reaction or something. Hopefully he will cool out over time. Ultimately, you will do what you need to do. Jerry respects you as a person and as a mom, so I have every confidence he will work through this with you! It isn't like you announced you were moving to Alaska this weekend or something!!--Amber the Great
Tuesday June 26, 2007 - 09:13am (PST)

Actually, Jerry 's response makes me mad. When I hear stuff like this, it makes me thankful that I don't have to worry about decision-making with someone else when it comes to Chloe. It's all ME, both a scary and wonderful prospect. If I wanted to move to Botswana tomorrow, I could. That is a bright side to solo parenting...one of many. I just wish you didn't have to deal with anyone who holds you back from achieving your dreams! --Amber
Tuesday June 26, 2007 - 09:17am (PST)

Well, I think it boils down to this...no matter how certain the future may seem, we cannot predict with 100% certainty what will happen, for me, for you, for our children. We can hope for the best, and try our hardest to get there, but ultimately, it's out of our hands and what actually happens can surprise everyone. Thanks for your comments. Hope you're getting excited for you upcoming trip as well.
Thursday June 28, 2007 - 12:25am (PST)

Oh my--there is just so much here that I don't know where to begin. You know how I feel, (I hope) and that is to do what is best for your heart and your babies. Jerry will adapt as he needs to and I am absolutely sure that you can work something out with him. As for the rest...?
Monday July 2, 2007 - 12:39am (PST)

Happiness, someone, something, noone, the BS? It all sounds SO familiar! I love you!
Monday July 2, 2007 - 12:43am (PST)

Who's your Daddy? Here's Mine. (Sun 24 Jun 07)

It's official. My father is going to move into my apartment (which is cleverly disguised as a house). We're leaving for Chicago on Friday; he'll start moving in either Friday or Saturday. I think he'll be a good roommate; he's quite busy, so he won't be around much, and I get along with him just fine. The most difficult part will probably be the bathroom, as I do have only one of those. The most difficult part in the meantime, however, will be rearranging the house to get most of the stuff out of this room that I am in, the computer/play room. I have a good general idea of how to condense/rearrange, but when you add that into Trip Preparations it gets rather mottled. As a related aside, this will not be the first occurrence of my father coming to stay with me for a short time. It first happened when I was 19, with a young Torrin precisely Mira's age (four and a half years ago) as I was still living with Torrin's dad -- barely. My father's departure was very closely followed by that of Torrin's dad, after which so began the Mason Saga.

Just Got the Crap Scared Outta Me.

You know you're up too late when you hear the newspaper getting chucked onto your porch. Sadly (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I am up very late and totally sober, not accomplishing anything of purpose or urgency, and duh! I do have places to go tomorrow.Good news? Chicago trip is coming up verrrrry quickly. We'll leave as early on Friday morning as we can possibly manage. In the meantime, I suppose I'm going to continue moping about while trying very hard to appear as if I am not, in fact, moping about; but rather, that I am clearly preoccupied, with many important things on my mind which do not concern myself. Appearances can certainly be deceiving.

Sunday June 24, 2007 - 01:35am (PST)

Comments
Oh boy can they ever!
Monday July 2, 2007 - 12:31am (PST)

May I Help You? (Wed 20 Jun 07)

Question of the Month:Why the Heck is Mason Coming to Chicago With Us?

Exhibit A. Mason says he is "ready to see other girls."

Exhibit B. Mason tends to be rather time-limited in the amount of time he can spend with Mira; that is, he gets frustrated easily by normal baby/toddler/kid things.

Exhibit C. Mason's mood of late leaves much to be desired.

Exhibit D. We're meeting up with a bunch of moms who are my friends. And their kids. Can we say chaos?

Exhibit E. Five whole days, pretty much 24/7?

I just do not understand what his motivation is for coming with us. I mean, it worked out well. I've been planning to go to Chicago for a few months now, and when talking to Mason discovered that he was planning to take a weeks' worth of vacation around the same time. But things were ever-so-slightly better between the two of us at that point. I'm worried that things will either a) turn out poorly, with catastrophic arguments; or b) turn out even worse than that.

Wednesday June 20, 2007 - 11:18pm (PST)

Comments

Terribly jealous that you get to go to Chicago. I say leave the goober home. Otherwise I hope to cod he's got enough money for his own hotel room where you threaten to murder him or kick him out. Sounds as though his coming could be...painful. I hope it's not!--M
Friday June 22, 2007 - 07:26am (PST)

I have absolutely ZERO Mason willpower. If the chance to spend time with Mason comes up...I always agree unless it is a major inconvenience. It's quite stupid, really, and by "it," I do mean "me."
Monday June 25, 2007 - 08:19am (PST)

Daily Dose of Random Cuteness

Conversation with Torrin (he's 6) as we came home this evening from the YMCA:

TEA: Do birds pee?
me: Um, I don't know. Good question.
TEA: Yeah, 'cuz we usually just see their poop.
me: And, you know, cats pee...
TEA: Dogs pee,
me: Yeah, and...
TEA: Yanksters pee.
me: Yanksters? You mean hamsters?
TEA: Yeah.

And little miss Mira, who is 20 months old but not really chatty yet, with only a good handful of reliable words, was quite the mimic today. First in the car, I was trying to teach Torrin a phrase in Spanish. I was having him repeat after me, when I heard baby Mira's little voice chirping too, repeating "todos" and "amigos" quite clearly. Then at home, it was "sticker" (dicka) and "love you" (lub yew), and "big girl" (bick gow) several times over. Melts my heart!

Monday June 18, 2007 - 10:56pm (PST)

Comments
Yanksters! That's adorable.--julie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 11:13pm (PST)

I adore your kidfolk. But you knew that. And that pic of them? kills me! GAH!--M
Friday June 22, 2007 - 07:27am (PST)

I suck.

I basically just accepted a job. Working here, where I am an AmeriCorps member. Part-time, for a variety of financial reasons. The welfare gap, if you will, except that I don't technically receive "welfare" since I don't get cash assistance or TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families). So...until I get my sh*t together, I guess I'm staying here. I've been talking about moving away. I still want to. I'm looking into a couple of possibilities. If it happens, it'll be after the school year ends next year. Torrin'll be done with first grade on May 30, 2008.

Monday June 18, 2007 - 11:15am (PST)

Comments
Dude! Did you take the Indian Center Jobbie or are u doing sumthin else for AmeriCorps? I hadn´t realized how long it´d been since I chkd out yr blog. I think I was on your other page a couple of times, but not this one. Sorry! Thanks for myspacing about it.Random note--did you know that Webster´s dictionary has added Myspace and Facebook as VERBS? Yeah, so that sentence above is totally gramatically correct!--Edie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 05:50pm (PST)
Author: anonymous

A job at the Indian Center, but not exactly the same one I may have mentioned recently. This one should be slightly better than the other one, and more importantly, is part-time. I just can't afford to lose my subsidized rent or childcare. Unfortunately I CAN'T do another year of regular AmeriCorps-it's not allowed, and I don't want to do VISTA because you can't have any other jobs or take classes during your full year. Thanks for stopping by!
Monday June 18, 2007 - 09:14pm (PST)
Author: toiledelanuit

Hmmm....I guess I didn't realize you took the job for sure. You've really committed yourself to the work there, it is defintiely an asset to then that you are staying.--Amber
Saturday June 30, 2007 - 08:35pm (PST)

Zion Shout-out

Last weekend, my church burned down. Okay, it's not "my" church. I haven't gone there in years, not since before Torrin came into existence anyway. But it's the only church community I've ever been a part of, and only the second church building (when I started going it was Covenant Presbyterian, before the merger, and we hadn't moved to 9th and "D" yet). I didn't grow up in a church-going family, and was baptized at the ripe old age of 13. Noone "made" me go. Maybe that's why it means so much to me. So many names and faces among that congregation are familiar. I know a lot of them don't know, care for, or remember me. But they have a special place in my heart, and now the building lies in our memories. The above photo came from Zion's Flickr photo pool, accessible from their revamped site at http://www.zionpca.com/

Newspaper article about the fire: http://journalstar.com/articles/2007/06/09/news/local/doc466aae801f5557626537...

Friday June 15, 2007 - 09:19am (PST)

Comments
Crazy pic! It looks like the apocalypse!--Edie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 05:47pm (PST)

Hi, Edie!

Playing with food is FUN! The scary thing is that she eats her cold, milky chunks of food, half an hour later, after she has sufficiently stirred her Milk-and-Whatever-Mom-Made Stew. Gross!
Thursday February 15, 2007 - 09:56pm (PST)
Comments
Hi mush dinner girl! Must be ok if the cat´s interested, 2!And the code I just had to enter to post this comment was, no shit, WHug--aww! The computer knows I miss u!--Edie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 05:51pm (PST)

Definitely want to run away.

I spent all of last week (the workweek, anyway) away from my children, and more importantly, away from here. It was fabulous. Not only was it fabulous to be somewhere new, it was also fabulous to be treated like a human being by a person of the opposite gender, for hours on end. More surprisingly, I was treated like a human and no advances were made. Honestly, I was waiting to get hit on. I hope this doesn't sound egotistical, but that's what usually happens. That has less to do with me than it does the overwhelming scuminess of the unattached, available population of single men. Even more honestly? This was nearly a disappointment. I am totally against temporary fixes, I don't believe in "friends with benefits" or anything like that, but it's been so long since I had something as simple as a nice long hug from a guy, that it would've been nice. But as long as I'm here, in this place, I'm going to Wish, Hope, and Pray for a guy whose record so far consists of, among other not-so-good things, spitting in my face, pushing me to the ground as I held our child, calling me every unmentionable word in the English language, and general mistrust and disrespect.

I am a bitter old woman.

Mason, my daughter's dad, is buying a house. Yes, I'm jealous. Mason has never even had his own apartment. The only places he's lived besides his parents' homes and two fraternities is my old apartment...oh wait, he never lived with me, he just happened to stay the night...200 nights in a row. All he has is a dog. I have two kids, and I can guarantee you that I have worked far harder in my life than he ever has. He's going to be away all week on business, and I must say that I hope he never comes back. He's as noxious as a weed, and the shitty dynamic currently between the two of us is likely to sap me of all remaining happiness. His mood of late is more than depressing...he's the sort to go so far as to making jokes about not living much longer. His eyes are often red, as if he's on the verge of tears. And he treats me like absolute shit. I wish I didn't care, I really do. Things would be so much easier that way, but there's nothing I can do to help him, and he doesn't want anything from me anyway.

NOTE: The picture above was taken in Minneapolis on Friday afternoon, following a particularly nasty text message exchange between the two of us.

Sunday June 10, 2007 - 07:56pm (PST)

Comments
Oh, Cinda....I wish you didn't have to deal with this stuff. I have been particularly upset lately about things, too. It sucks. Bad.--Amber
Tuesday June 12, 2007 - 09:06am (PST)


i don't know mason, but dude sounds like a prick and u could do like ten times better. --bear
Tuesday June 19, 2007 - 03:23pm (PST)


The thing though, is that I generally feel like he is my best shot. As if I have some sort of duty to him, like I owe him and he owes me. Does that make sense? No, of course not. I'm just lame like that.
Monday June 25, 2007 - 08:22am (PST)

Been in Minneapolis since 11AM yesterday...no, that was not planned

It started in DC, with toilets that weren't flushing. The toilets on the airplane were not functioning properly, so we had to wait for someone to come fix them...hence, I missed my connecting flight in Mpls by a mere two minutes. After a five hour wait, I returned to the new gate to find that 14 flights in the area had been cancelled and I was informed that I would not be able to come home until 9:25 tonight.

GRRR!

But on a happier note here is a link to a few of my DC pics:
http://s105.photobucket.com/albums/m230/JacindaStar/DC/

DC, Baby (Mon 04 Jun 2007)

I am here. In Washington DC. With. No. Kids! How weird is that! I can go to bed whenever I want, and no kids are going to wake me up with their screaming, there are no dishes waiting to be washed and I don't have to scoop the kitties' litter box. I head back to reality on Thursday morning.

And on another note, as a second chapter to the bumper stickers saga, I saw these three on a car this past weekend:

Nebraskans For Peace

Kill Your Television

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

In my opinion...that's much better. :)

Monday June 4, 2007 - 10:18pm (PST)

Comments
WOOO! Pretty girl all alone without kidfolk? WEEEEEE! ENJOY!

Additionally...THOSE bumper stickers funnier than the first. People are seriously missing brain cells.--M
Thursday June 7, 2007 - 09:36am (PST)

Did I really lose 2 lb overnight? The YMCA scale says so.

W is for War

I saw a car this afternoon, a very nice little Toyota sports car, with three bumper stickers.

Bumper sticker no. 1: W '04
Bumper sticker no. 2: Nebraskans for War
Bumper sticker no. 3: PEACE: It's What's For Dinner

Okay, I made the last one up. There was a third, and it did begin with PEACE in big letters, but I couldn't read the type and I was, you know, driving. Anyway, I found this combination of bumper stickers on a Toyota sports car to be alarming.

Friday June 1, 2007 - 07:20pm (PST)

Comments
Horrifying and amusing all at once. What a combo. Sidenote...I'm such a hag if I see someone with a sticker that supports ol George I won't let them over. Evil evil me.--M
Friday June 1, 2007 - 08:01pm (PST)

Sick.

I'm very, very sick.

And what is this ailment?

Why, it is me. I am so, so sick of myself.

I am sick of being late.
I am sick of my apparent inability to accurately judge time and how long it will take to accomplish any given thing.
I am sick of clutter.
I am sick of my inability to effectively de-clutter.
I am sick of my ability to re-clutter.
I am sick of doing almost everything alone.
I am sick of my ill-proportioned body.
I am sick of my desire to incessantly eat chocolate.
I am sick of my inability to say what I want to say, when I want to say it.
I am sick of not knowing what to say when I want to say something.
I am sick of social anxiety.
I am sick of being accused of doing things I have not done and I am sick of being treated like scum.
I am sick of working long hours for paltry wages, and I am sick of working where I do.
I am sick of being sad,
I am sick of being alone,
I am sick of wanting something I cannot have,
and I am sick of wanting something that I do not need.

Laura, Edie, and Piñatas

As of yet, we, as in my little family of me, Torrin, and Mira, do not really have any traditions to speak of (unless being late everywhere counts). I didn't grow up with any real traditions, either. When it was time for my birthday when I was a kid, it meant this: that I wasn't going to have a birthday party at my house. When my grandmother lived in town, we had them there, with a friend or two, but once she moved away...not so much.
My mom wouldn't let anyone come to our house because of the cockroaches. Nice, huh? When I was in third grade, I invited a friend to spend the night without telling my mother, and I think that when the friend arrived at our door with her mother and all of her stuff, including snacks, she was too stunned to turn them away. That was Laura.
When I was in seventh grade, I got my second sleepover. By that point, her marriage to my stepdad had fallen apart and the house was well on its way to being in shambles, with too many people in it most of the time. That night, my mom's then-boyfriend made both me and my friend cry. That was Edie.
And just last night, I painted two balloons with a flour/water mixture and many, many strips of newspaper lovingly cut by Torrin. Today the balloons were dry enough to pop; they will be Torrin's birthday piñatas after they're painted tomorrow. He had two last year, made by students at the Park Teen Center where I was working then, and now he'll have home-made piñatas again this year. And I think that's far nicer of a tradition to keep going than cockroaches and crying.

I'm Still Lame. And My Kids Are Still Cute.

There's Mira on the potty for you all. I know there is an 'all,' despite the lack of comments, b/c I see the individual visits on a little graph when I log in. Anyhow. Mira goes on the potty pretty much every morning, unless Mommy doesn't get out of bed soon enough. If I were able to stay at home with her for a few days in a row, and not have to take care of the house much, I bet she could be trained pretty quickly. But since I DO work over 40 hrs/wk, and I AM the only adult in this house, and I AM losing my mind, it won't happen too soon.

My ongoing frustration of late is beginning to become apparent to me in the form of social anxiety. This is nothing new.

Just today, in the span of three minutes, I had the chance to talk to at least two people whom I would have liked very much to at least exchanged hellos. Neither of these people probably knows how much I would have valued even a simple greeting. I don't initiate conversations and I probably come off as either aloof, oblivious, or both, when I am in fact neither.

We were out riding our bikes today. Before riding by these person's homes, I had imagined probable dialogues in my head, rehearsed them a few times each. In front of the first home, just as we were going by, I saw the first person come to her door. What timing! Then, as we approached the second persons' home, I saw him pull up in a car. Again, what timing! A perfect opportunity, in each case, for me to put on the brakes and say, "Oh! Hey! How are you?"

No. Nothing. Instead I do my best to look focused on what I am doing...as opposed to what I am not doing.

I have many more examples, but I won't bother to elaborate.

Saturday May 19, 2007 - 10:42pm (PST)

I'm Lame. But My Kids Are Cute.

I'm feeling kinda bi-polar lately. In recent weeks, a months-long trend of rising happiness swept upwards at a courageous pace. For no apparent reason, I was happy. Just happy. Comments and situations flew by, touching my heart but failing to disrupt the giddy two-step-stepping. Everyday things, like a blade of grass pushing through the wet earth or a bright bud popping out from a green stem, triggered wide grins. Those silly, private smiles between you and noone else that are perhaps the most genuine of happiness since there is nary an outsider observing. No performance for anyone.

Well, that happiness came to a peak. I'm not happy anymore. I still smile, but I'm just as likely to be brooding. The stress wasn't new; the busy-ness hadn't ever stopped and the frustration hadn't ever dropped off of the radar. But it had only been a minor distraction as I sped off to work, late, again, or whatever. Now it's buzzing under my skin, an uneasy, attention-craving nervousness that inspires me to run, run away and never return.

Sunday May 13, 2007 - 10:57pm (PST)

Whoops!

Can't believe I forgot to post a link to some of our Chicago pics: http://s105.photobucket.com/albums/m230/JacindaStar/Chicago/

AND the pooey news is that my car got keyed while I was gone. I don't have a garage, I park in a drive off of the alley behind the house, but dude. Now my car looks ghetto-ized.

Behold:Nevermind. This crap computer has decided it doesn't recognize the SD memory card from my camera anymore. WTF? What a PITA. Hopefully it'll work after being rebooted. Anyway, the general gist is that the driver's side of my car, from the front bumper corner to the opposite edge of the driver door, is now decorated with ugly loops. Terribly unaesthetic, and probably not too cheap to fix, either. BOO.

Thursday July 5, 2007 - 09:05pm (PST)

Comments
FUCK ;(--Amber
Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 10:28am (PST)
Author: anonymous

Is the damage higher than your insurance deductable?-amber, the potty mouth--amber
Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 10:28am (PST)
Author: anonymous

I can't remember if my deductible is $1000 or $500. Maybe I should call and ask? But then, that'll also require taking my car somewhere to get an estimate. Ick. I'm trying to find someone with a buffer first.
Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 08:36pm (PST)

LOVE Giordano's pizza! I would have recommended the stuffed spinach. ;-) You guys really did a lot in Chicago! wow!
Wednesday July 11, 2007 - 07:15pm (PST)

Soooo Sleepy.

Someday I will get this whole scheduling thing down.
I don't know what it is, but ever since I had Mira I cannot get anywhere on time and I do not keep any semblance of a regular sleep schedule. Mira is 18 months old. Her sleep pattern is pretty regular, but I can't seem to pull it together for myself. I stay up late one night...really late...so then the next day, I'm beat. If I'm being really stupid, I'll stay up late again, doing things that may or may not be considered relevant or important. Then, I'll be so tired the next night that I fall asleep while putting the kids to bed...leaving the dishes unwashed, laundry unfolded, kids' clothes for the next day unpicked, etc. So the next night I'm scrambling around again, and stay up too late.
I need balance.

Wednesday May 2, 2007 - 10:13pm (PST)

Sounds Almost Like a Vacation, to These Busy Ears

I report for jury selection at 8:30 am! Actually, I am kind of intrigued by the prospect and wouldn't mind getting selected.
Sunday April 22, 2007 - 11:16pm (PST)

Why Am I Still Awake? Pt III (Tue 10 Apr 2007)

I think that I am incapable of sleep prior to 2am, according to recent trends.

Either that, or I am incapable of abandoning my Internet Mommy friends (my best friends, isn't that pathetic) and choosing not to read just one more chapter. I have no self-control whatsoever in this regard.

Although it was pretty cute...tonight Torrin, Mira, and I read 3 more chapters of our current kids' book, Holes by Louis Sachar. At the end of each chapter (we're getting near the end) Torrin's eyes grew wide, and he would say, "No! No! Keep reading! Please!" It melts my heart to hear this 5 year old person get so excited about a story.
Tuesday April 10, 2007 - 10:37pm (PST)

Comments
Hey, I know I´m far away, but I´d still like to think we´re close. I miss you and think about you more often than you might suspect. I´m really excited to see how much the kids have grown up and for us to go out-just me and you!--Edie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 05:32pm (PST)

Why Am I Still Awake? Pt II

We had a lock-in last night at the Indian Center. Translation: about 45 kids ages 5 and up, all night long. There were kindergartners doing cartwheels and backflips at 2am.
Saturday March 31, 2007 - 09:56pm (PST)

Comments
Chloe had a terrific time. Thanks for all of the hard work!!!!--amber
Monday April 2, 2007 - 02:45am (PST)
Author: anonymous

I'm glad Chloe had a good time even though she couldn't be in the same room as Torrin! I think everyone had fun.--Jacinda
Tuesday April 10, 2007 - 10:38pm (PST)

If you are interested

I have a blog here.

Care for a Caterpillar?

That pic of Mira was take last weekend at Pioneers Park. In the fast-approaching morning, we are off to Nelson for my littlest sister's 4th birthday party. In the time in between, this just-ended workweek, I logged 11.5 hrs today, 10 yesterday, and 12.5 on Wednesday, with piddly "normal" Monday and Tuesday.

POWER!

hehehe, I have the Executive Director's keys to the building...ahhh, master key bliss. Now, watch him stumble upon this post.
Saturday March 17, 2007 - 11:32pm (PST)

Love My Babies

Torrin's findings on Tuesday (yesterday, March 13th):
1. Our speedometer "goes up by twenties," and
2. Cow poop is stinkier than a skunk.

Wednesday March 14, 2007 - 08:52pm (PST)
Comments
I would have to agree! Wait--does he know what hog shit smells like?!--Edie
Monday June 18, 2007 - 05:34pm (PST)

Been a long time, been a long time, been a long, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time

Well not really, but it sounded like a good title. I'm busy, as usual, with the children and working at the Indian Center. If you would like to see pictures from our trip to Kansas City last weekend, go here: http://picasaweb.google.com/lajacinthe
Sunday March 11, 2007 - 10:35pm (PST)

Les Yeux Bleus

I'll never have a blue-eyed human baby, but my kitty baby Sumiko sure has pretty baby blues.
Friday March 2, 2007 - 03:05am (PST)
Comments
That is so cool!--amber
Saturday March 17, 2007 - 04:26pm (PST)