My ongoing frustration of late is beginning to become apparent to me in the form of social anxiety. This is nothing new.
Just today, in the span of three minutes, I had the chance to talk to at least two people whom I would have liked very much to at least exchanged hellos. Neither of these people probably knows how much I would have valued even a simple greeting. I don't initiate conversations and I probably come off as either aloof, oblivious, or both, when I am in fact neither.
We were out riding our bikes today. Before riding by these person's homes, I had imagined probable dialogues in my head, rehearsed them a few times each. In front of the first home, just as we were going by, I saw the first person come to her door. What timing! Then, as we approached the second persons' home, I saw him pull up in a car. Again, what timing! A perfect opportunity, in each case, for me to put on the brakes and say, "Oh! Hey! How are you?"
No. Nothing. Instead I do my best to look focused on what I am doing...as opposed to what I am not doing.
I have many more examples, but I won't bother to elaborate.
Saturday May 19, 2007 - 10:42pm (PST)