Santa brings out the best in children...

Or something like that, LOL! We went to Wal-Mart yesterday (O, let me count the ways I hate thee, bless'ed Wal*Mart..) and the goofy 20-Something-Santa-With-Fake-Beard was sitting there in the girls' clothing for free pictures. Mira's never sat with Santa and it's been a couple years since Torrin did, so I thought "what the heck," and plunked them down for the sans-charge photo op.

This action set Mira off like a car alarm, wailing. "Please, smile for Mama," I pleaded with her, to no avail. Santa called out, "Just snap the picture!" We got the printout, and Mira wanted to see it. "LOOK!" she cried, excitedly, "Mira no smile mama!"

Yeah, I know. I know you didn't smile for Mama, Mira. Thanks for noticing.

December Photo Project: Day 1

This winter tradition comes via The Prairie Box and is a nice way to spice up the December Doldrums (and give new meaning and purpose to writer's-block-ridden-blogs). And so, here I present my first contribution to the project. The picture at right was taken just a half an hour ago at our front steps. My happy lil' lavender flowers made it spunkily through Thanksgiving, standing proudly upright, but their run this year is now officially complete. I look forward to their return next spring; I am especially fond of these little fellas because they were my first successful planting project. We had irises and baby's breath in front of our home when I was a kid but my mother is not a gardener (or a cook, or seamstress, knitter, crafter, etc) and I didn't really learn about growing green things, neither in-home nor in-yard.

Happy to be home...or am I?

We got back into town around 10:30pm last night. While I am relieved to be home, in my own house, with our own things, our own food, both of my babies, etc., I am not entirely thrilled to be here.
It's all part of the larger frustration mill, churning away. Of course, there's Voldemort. But then, there's other things, too. Like the unpaid internet and natural gas bills. Oh, if only I were a prostitute like He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named thinks, I'd have no outstanding debts! (Whatthebleepever). Then there's work. I get paid crap to do crap. On one hand, I really like that at the end of a day I can sit down (yeah right) and think, wow, I helped this-n-that-person, however-many-people today and be able to attach something tangible to that. Two families are getting free packs of diapers, about twenty will get free christmas gifts for their children, two people received vouchers for gasoline. And that's just today, in a few short hours. Then there's also the sadness...the people we couldn't help, or the people we did help but shouldn't. The ungrateful folk. The people who get mad because there's a $17 limit on the free christmas gifts, or the ones who call to say, "don't help so-and-so with their gas bill." Then I think about how I should be done with graduate school by now, instead of not-even-applied yet. How I'm thousands of dollars in debt with both credit and student loans. But I pay for YMCA membership and recycling services? I spent ten bucks on another pair of shoes for the Buffalo Dinner last weekend, but I haven't paid my phone bill? I complain about how I have no time, then I spend hours on the Internet and preoccupy myself with my way-too-cute boyfriend? Really, I don't have time for a boyfriend. But surely the happiness makes it worth it? Then Voldemort swoops in for an attack, complicating things...or at least causing a nuisance.

Sometimes, I think it would be most diplomatic to bow out, to extricate myself from the situation, pack up, and move away.

Would the problems follow? Surely, they would.

Locals: You can watch me on TV!

I forgot to mention this last week. I was asked to read for a series done by our public libraries, this one, the American Indian Heritage Read-in. After much deliberation I opted a speech-of-sorts given by Alfred Gilpin, tribal chairman of the Omaha Tribe in 1954 (at which time the Omahas' sovereignty status was threatened) per the suggestion of my grandfather. Apparently, I'm also related to that guy, but I don't understand precisely how.

I was, of course, mortified. I hate public speaking.

In elementary school, I was once sent to the Principal's office for refusing to speak when called on by the teacher. In fifth grade, when it was my turn to give a presentation, I attempted to hide under my desk. In eighth grade, upon being asked to do a report in front of the class, I first began nervously laugh, uncontrollably. My teacher was just beginning to look really angry when the laughter subsided into sobs and tears.

Okay, so things aren't that bad anymore, but my favorite part is still when it's all over and I'm safely in my seat.

For those of you who are local, you can see me on channel 5 at 6pm and 10:30pm tomorrow, Friday 23 Nov 2007, and 9pm on Saturday. :) Another reader of note in the program is a co-worker, technically my boss of sorts, who also happens the 'brother' of The Boy Who Lived.

All Grown Up

Yesterday afternoon, my son boarded a plane. All by himself. The flight attendant asked him if he wanted me to go with him to get his seat. "Nope. I'm okay," he replied, cool cucumber that he is. He acted in a similarly independent way on his first day of kindergarten. We pulled up at the school, and I turned off the car, ready to walk him to class, take pictures of him, etc. Before I have a chance to gather my things, he took off, slamming the door shut and calling out, "Bye, Mom!"

The plane he flew on was super tiny. Like, even smaller than the last plane I flew on to or from our hometown (our airport is quite little, with only two gates). Nevertheless, he arrived safely at his destination, a few minutes late (what plane isn't these days?). I blithely assumed that ear buds fit all ears. Well, they don't fit childrens' ears. I thanked the powers that be for finding a mysterious $20 in my pocket earlier that afternoon (a huge blessing, as I am soooo broke right now) so that I could spend it on overpriced headphones at the convenience pod nearest his gate. He spent all of today with his dad and will tomorrow as well. His return flight takes off Saturday morning.

Update: Tom Riddle vs. Harry Potter

I'm somewhat chagrined to report that I have not taken any absolute action in respect to Voldemort's prying and pestering, aside from not answering his calls or texts.
On Tuesday afternoon, Torrin, The Chosen One, and I departed from Lincoln. Mira stayed in Lincoln. She was to be staying primarily with Voldemort's mother, known as Merope Gaunt in the HP series. I made no arrangements with Voldemort personally but it was understood that Merope would coordinate the efforts between she, Voldemort, and Tom Riddle Sr. (Voldemort's dad, who is not dead in this story).

So, we're driving through Iowa. Iowa sucks. But, all seemed to be going pretty well. The drive was progressing favorably and The Boy Who Lived was doing an excellent job at initiating and maintaining conversation (not one of my fortés). My phone rang...Santeria by Sublime, which has become (unfortunately for Sublime) Voldemort's anthem. Since Mira could have conceivably been with him, I felt it was fair to answer the call. "Let me talk to your boyfriend," he demanded. I said no and hung up on his dumb a$s.

We stopped in Dubuque for gas, as has become the custom. Torrin was passed out in the backseat by this time. We were just about to leave, when the phone rang again. Morbid curiousity won out over logic, and I answered, taking off for the service station's restroom and ditching The Chosen One as he opened the door to re-enter my car. God, that was rude of me.

But not nearly as rude as what Voldemort had just done. I said hello, and Mr. Riddle replied cooly, "I just got off of the phone with your boyfriend's mom." Then, he said her name. She has a distinctive name. The blood drained from my head and I sought refuge in the bathroom. "How did you do that?" I wanted to know. Voldemort was not satisfied with this reply. I'm not sure how he expected me to react, but he gauged me incorrectly by supposing that I only wanted to know how he found it out so that I can better "hide" my "tracks next time." He considers it a sort of public service that he called The Chosen One's mom to warn her about me. Says he was on the phone with her for half an hour.

Seriously, WHAT THE FÜ(K.

What kind of crazy son of a fool (no offense Merope and Tom Sr.) calls up his ex-GF's mother to make himself feel better.

I'm not even sure how Tom Riddle got that information. I've been pretty careful to not slip any identifying information to him (duh) or his mom. We're pretty sure it must be internet-related, possibly off of the local University's studentfinder via Facebook (to get his name).
At this point one can probably gather that I am definitely p!s$ed off. Come Monday you can be certain that I will verify that there is a document stating that I have legal physical custody of my daughter. Until then, I try to forget that the whole thing happened so that I can enjoy the weekend. That waste of oxygen is not worth my time spent worrying.

One week later

The transfer is now complete. I've copied and pasted all of the posts which appeared on the previous site to this not-so-new but way-updated blogger account.

Giving up on Yahoo! 360.

From now on find me here (instead of the previous site, http://www.geocitie.com/toiledelanuit/index.html).
I've given up. I didn't want to move to one of the other blogging websites but this one gives me so many errors that it hardly makes to keep updating here. The two posts directly preceding this one will be accompanied by the as-promised-pics when the posts are copied n pasted to Blogspot you'll be able to see them.
Saturday November 17, 2007 - 01:36am (PST)
Comments
Hell to the yeah. If only so I can more easily stalk you. YEAH! :) And holy crap on a plane? By himself? GAH! JUST GAH!!! That's very grown behavior! How will you stand it!--M
Sunday November 18, 2007 - 06:14pm (PST)
Author: anonymous

did it eat my f-ing comment?--M
Sunday November 18, 2007 - 06:15pm (PST)

My baby!

The transaction is complete...my baby is boarding a plane and flying solo to see his dad next week!
Six years old, and his first plane ride will be alone! I'm mortified but relieved and proud! It's been rough for Torrin without his dad around. He used to go to his dad's house every day after school. It hasn't been quite a whole month yet since his father moved, but three and a half weeks feels a lot longer when you're six and bored without your papa and best buddy (Torrin's friend, Aaron, 7 moved along with Torrin's dad). Fourteen hours, without stopping, is how long it takes to drive to Torrin's daddy's new locale. I'm not entirely opposed to making the drive, but coordinating the effort with other schedules and such makes it more difficult. Further muddying the visitation waters is the fact that there are no direct flights from Lincoln, Omaha, OR Kansas City to either of the airports within about an hour from Torrin's dad. Torrin will be flying from a state which neighbors his dad's, from a city about 2 hours from my Thanksgiving destination.

Friday November 16, 2007 - 10:46pm (PST)

Comments
Wow! I am sure everything will go well.--amber
Tuesday November 20, 2007 - 06:18pm (PST)

The sun has gone to bed and so must I.

The Sound of Music, stuck on repeat in my head. Ahh joy. I think it's about time Torrin saw that movie, come to think of it. Anyway.

The picture at left is my youngest sister, Sophia. She and I have the same father, and she's 19.5 years younger than I. I'm just hoping that she is the last. Now that my mom's had a histerectomy (due to a dermoid cyst), I don't have to worry about her procreating anymore. After I had Torrin she had fancied having another child herself. I suppose she feels robbed of her motherhood. I took off at 13 and her sons, two of my brothers, went to their father's custody shortly before that at the ages of 3 and 8. They are now 14 and 19, the oldest of my siblings. The rest are my father's progeny; a sister, age 12, brother, age 8, sister, also age 8, and the aforementioned 4-year-old. Three of those four have the same mother and live with their grandmother a couple hours away from here. They are all great kids in one way or another. The 12-year-old sister is a standout. She's one who may end up being well-known for her talents in the future, and I can't call her 'little' anymore because at last comparison she was at least as tall as I, and she's likely to end up much taller.

My kids have a great time playing with their aunts and uncles. Mira is especially fond of all three of her aunts, and Torrin likewise loves his uncles, although the youngest, the 8-year-old, is his closest comrade in terms of interests and play.

Harry Potter and the Loud TV

Mira says lots of 'new' words all of the time now (it's actually rather alarming and startling considering that Torrin was only using about 5 words at the same age), but my new favorite as of yesterday is this little gem:
"Hey-dee PAWder!" (Translation: "Harry Potter," with a British accent).
It's also alarming how she has suddenly turned into a little couch potato. She loves watching movies. As soon as we get home in the evening, she asks to "Ah wash Mon-Sink, Mommeeeee!" ("I watch Monsters Inc., Mommeeee"). And, let's be honest, it's waaaay easier to cook when she's absorbed by the Boob Tube instead of screaming, hanging on my leg, like she used to. Torrin wasn't such a media mogul at this age, but then, he was an only child then, and didn't have the Big Sib influence deal going on.
We went to see Bee Movie yesterday. It was all right. Cute, somewhat contrived, but all right. I think I don't like Reneé Zellweger, though. Can't tell you why. It must be the voice. And Mira behaved for nearly the entire duration of the film. She didn't try to run away until we were less than 5 minutes from the end credits. She referred to the theatre as "big TV" and "loud TV."
Today we went to the YMCA, as we always do on Mondays. Well, the theatre we visited just yesterday is across the street. As we skirted by that disastrous corner, Mira cried, "Ah loud TV!" And when I said, "No, Mira, we can't go see a movie today," she responded with, "PWEEEEZE!" She's learned that whining-repetitive-please thing. Not cool.

I did what? (Fri 09 Nov 2007)

What exactly am I doing? I'm always busy, rushed, have no free time. I haven't sat down a drawn a picture, painted, beaded, scrapbooked, nada, in probably a year. Something like that. I know for a fact I haven't done any scrapbooking since before Mira was born. But what exactly am I doing? My house doesn't stay clean. I do cook dinner every night, but it's nothing special. Yesterday evening, for example, I didn't finish writing letters, send thank yous, wash the dishes, or fold laundry. The only thing I accomplished was catching up on the past four days of newspapers, since for some reason or another I haven't had time lately for that either. I feel terribly out-of-the-loop and uninformed when I don't read the newspaper. Gotta keep up with who's getting married, having babies, going to jail, and writing ill-informed letters to the Editor.

Friday November 9, 2007 - 09:26am (PST)

Comments
If you can figure out what you are doing...pass it onto me. Except, um, honey, you have an out of the house JOB that counts for time spent. WTF is my problem? ;)--M
Saturday November 10, 2007 - 08:18am (PST)

Go ahead, laugh at me. (Tue 06 Nov 2007)

Why?
I bought Britney Spears' new CD.Well, no, wait, edit that statement. I didn't 'buy' it, I 'got' it. With a Best Buy Rewards certificate. Yes, I think the girl has lost her mind (if she ever had one to begin with, that is. Hey, that might be the problem. If she never had a brain how could she be expected to behave rationally?). I definitely wouldn't want her to be my mom and I don't want to watch her lip sync or wiggle through a music video. But I'll listen. I do enjoy occasional fluff.

Tuesday November 6, 2007 - 01:11pm (PST)

Comments
And, worse, I like it! Teeheehee. There's one song on it that drives me batty but is also creepily catchy. I seriously feel like slapping her when I hear it though. (It's call "Piece of Me.")
Monday November 12, 2007 - 06:24pm (PST)

Lemme catch m'breath (Sun 04 Nov 2007)

First off, I'm gonna whine.
I am so sick of being treated like sh*t at work. I am fed up with people being mad at me for not paying their bills, or worse, being mad that we only pay a portion. Yeah, right, if we paid everyone's $700 utility bill or $3000 of past due rent we'd be able to help, oh, right, just those two people for the whole year. Honestly I have no idea how the electric or gas company can even allow such bills to accrue. On Thursday I became acquainted with the account of a woman whose electric bill tops $2200. How does that happen? Especially here, where our electric rates are supposedly among the best in the nation.

Waaaaay too much candy.
For Halloween (which may go down in history as the highest-grossing production ever), Torrin was Davy Jones, the be-tentacled, ghostly gross Pirates of the Caribbean character; Mira was a little pirate girl; I was a nun and The Boy Who Lived was a priest. No, I was not a "naughty nun" as Mira's punka$s dad suggested. "Do I look like a naughty nun?" I asked following his accusal, to which he replied, "No, but you...nevermind." About a week ago he sent me an e-mail which asserted, among other things, that he was considering telling my family that I am/was a "sex worker." Are you kidding me? WTH.

Fancy Footwork
Anyway, for reasons including the above, The Chosen One waited at a bookstore while we stopped at Mira's dad's house. He waited in the car while we went in to his mother's house. And narrowly avoided him as he picked up Mira for his first solo overnight visit ever on Friday night. I hate, hate, hate that I'm still playing Hide-The-Boy whenever Mira's dad is entering the equation but I am just not ready to deal with the corresponding fallout.

We had a "talk."
We, as in, me and The Boy Who Lived. Yes, he's still living, and he's still the chosen one. He walked out of my house Saturday morning without telling me that he was leaving. Tired, shoulder-aching, young, frustrated, non-parent that he is, try as he may, he was fed up. Drained of patience. Mira had been gone for the night, so I thought, no problem, I can find someone to watch Torrin so we can go see a movie. American Gangster came out on Friday and he's a movie enthusiast. Since he's been with me, he hasn't seen many movies at all. Mira, and to a lesser degree, Torrin, rather impede that particular activity. Well, the departure of Torrin's dad really puts a damper on sitter availability. I couldn't find one, so we couldn't go.
Unfortunately, we haven't gone out without children since before the last trip to his home state. That may not seem like a long time, but one must remember that the Chosen One isn't an old fogey parent-type like me. I feel like I'm depriving him the spontaneity of youth, limiting his opportunities; domesticating him, taming a wild animal. He feels that he is being selfish. I feel like I'm being selfish. Last night, I had hoped to avenge the previous night's disappointment. At the last minute I found someone to watch the kids while we went to a movie (and it wasn't easy in the slightest to do). We got there fifteen minutes before showtime and the movie was sold out. The Assasination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford was playing at the same time so we went to that instead and it was sooooo slow-moving. They should have played the thing in fast-forward. I don't know why I didn't fall asleep. And to make matters worse Casey Affleck reminds me of Mira's butthead dad Mason. Freaking figures.
I'd sent The Boy Who Lived a text message a couple of hours following his quiet disappearance saying that he should break up with me. I kind of regretted sending it but it did seem that something needed to be said. Unfortunately, I'm probably the one girl who can't talk when it comes time for a Talk. I don't know what to say, or I have something, but it just waits there in my throat for a good fifteen minutes before it escapes, generally against its will. I hate discussions. I hate being put on the spot and I hate answering questions (in person, that is. I'll answer anything if I can type or write it out). In any case we're still highly enamored of each other. That 'love' word runs through my thoughts (uninvited) often but logic gauges the predicament at "deep infatuation."

Sunday November 4, 2007 - 01:51pm (PST)

Comments
talks are a good thing-and i know u kno that. if u have to say how u feel on paper, do it! but just get it out there. u guys r so good 2gether, so don't lose him just because u can't find your voice. don't feel bad for him either. he can go out whenever he wants-tell him that so he doesn't feel guilty. U kno his situation and yours....but does he realize that u kno that? I've often felt like mine should break up with me cuz I'm just too crazy and psycologically messed up to maintain a "normal" relationship....and I've said that he should just break up with me or why does he stay with me etc. Guess what? This is pretty normal! And he's not messed up like some of the others have been....he's too good to be true, right? You have to wake up sometime, right? All normal feelings, but the reality if very different. It's hard for me to not feel this way, too. So you're not alone. But u do need 2 talk, as difficult as it may seem. Once I even "talked" on paper to Oskar. I felt kind of stupid, but the situation warranted it and it worked. So whatever u feel for him or whatever your opinion on the situation, if it's going to work, there has to be communication, even if it's in the form of a stupid note! Email me if you need to talk. I check up on you on here, u kno! U do have ppl to talk to...even if it is email. I'd like to know what happens because I care about u. BESOS! --Flamenco dancer
Saturday November 10, 2007 - 04:19am (PST)

Oh, yes, and I forgot to mention... (Sat 27 Oct 2007)

I got pulled over. Less than an hour into our 13-hour jaunt home on Tuesday (though that did include a two-hour stop to see the previously mentioned Mom friend). Late morning, sun glaring into my eyes from the east as I attempted to shield my eyes and greet the state trooper.

"Where're ya headed this morning?" he asked.

"Nebraska," I responded, pointedly, hoping that the Nebraska license plates would help the situation.

"You were going well over 50 mph in a 35 zone," he informed me, explaining further that it dropped down to 25 at some particular street name I'd never heard of before.

"Oh, it was 35 there?" I played stupid. I knew full well that I'd been speeding. He asked to see my driver's license and ID from my passenger. Hmmm. I stayed as calm as possible, silently dreading the possibility of a ticket. I got a speeding ticket in, what, 2004 or so? Did a STOP class for that. Followed by a 'wreckless driving' ticket in 2005, which caused a spike in my insurance rate. Yeah, not something I wanted to go through again.

I got a warning.

"Make sure to be aware of your surroundings in an unfamilar place," the trooper advised.

Yeah, sure I will. Or something like that.

Saturday October 27, 2007 - 01:10pm (PST)

Comments
Breaking the law, breaking the law! Now I KNOW that nun get-up was a fake!--Amber
Tuesday November 6, 2007 - 03:41pm (PST)

C'était jolie, la.

Wherever we were...it was pretty. Not as cold as we had anticipated it may have been, either.

Most mortifying moment: When The Boy Who Lived's mom looked squarely at me, as I sat on the couch next to her son, and asked, "So, how serious is this relationship we have going on here?" (My eyes grew wide and I didn't respond). (!)

Randomness: Skittlejerky. Strangely satisfying...beef jerky + skittles, in the same mouthful.

Cool how: With little or no notice a troop of boys/young men about 18 strong organized a game of football. Entertaining to watch too.

Kids had fun: playing in the leaves. We have neither expansive lawnscape nor a rake to create this sort of Fall excitement at home.

Also noteworthy: We met another one of my Internet Mommy friends. Great fun. She was a sweetie and Mira had a blast with her son. Torrin had a blast with her older son's Game Boy. Unfortunately her older children were not home for him to play with but he had fun anyway.

Le Fromage (Sat 20 Oct 2007)

Alive in the Land of Cheese, that is we. Arrived via a Cheese through a Cake Factory which itself purports to be of cheese, drizzling cheese from each dish. America's Dairyland, it is now. And in between those two momentous locales was a vast expanse so desolate it could be referred to as the mold on the cheese. Still fuzzy and green, too, in mid-October.

I thought Voldemort died in the end. (Thu 18 Oct 2007)

Is the end near yet?

I don't know what to do. It seems like I can't win. Not that I want to win, per se. I'm looking more for a draw, where neither wins and neither loses. If I answer his questions, I'll be giving him information he doesn't need to know. If I remain quiet, he assumes the worst and badgers me from there. He doesn't care if Torrin and Mira are there; he's totally comfortable making statements like "Quit spreadin' your legs, Jacinda," and "Would he still spend time with you if you weren't spreading your legs for him?" in full listening range of a six-year-old (and a two-year-old, for that matter). When I won't answer his question ("So is he good, or is he trash?") he tries to get information from Torrin ("So, do you think your mom's new boyfriend is going to be a good dad for you and Mira?").

I told him to give me Mira, and he could leave. I told him I wasn't going to answer his questions. He wouldn't give her to me (of course) and I can't physically make him give her to me. But I'll be damned if I want him taking her if he's going to act like that.I wanted to call the police, but for what? Since he's her father, they can't take her from him. There's no formal custody arrangement, but I am her custodial parent. But even if there were an arrangement, I still don't think he could be prevented from taking her.

He damn well should be. What did he have to say of Mira during this particular exchange? "This is my illegitimate child." How dignifying. WTF. Can't even treat his own daughter with respect.

Thursday October 18, 2007 - 05:25pm (PST)

Comments
Ugh. That just sucks. You would think he could be at least a little dignified in the presence of your children. And at least a little respectful of their mother. As for the visitation... no, they probably couldn't physically take her away from him, at least during a visitation that you agreed to; but, likewise, in the future, if you deny visitation, he would have to go to court to get it because you are the custodial parent and you make the decisions at this point. Would he be that motivated? PS: Happy belated birthday, Mira!!!--julie
Saturday October 20, 2007 - 02:30pm (PST)


I'm calling you. This is bullshit and we need to talk. Fuck him. Don't let him even come over anymore-this is not only detrimental to you, but your children. You all deserve better. Who knows what he fills her head with when you're NOT there.--Flamenco dancer
Thursday October 25, 2007 - 12:51am (PST)

Tomorrow, I lose my baby... (Sun 14 Oct 2007)

Because she turns TWO and is totally and officially a toddler, beyond the realm of babyhood. We had her birthday party yesterday, it was a last-minute effort, postponed by half an hour a half an hour before it was supposed to start because I couldn't get everything together as planned. Mira didn't take a nap after lunch as she normally does, and that was the principle time period during which I had planned to get everything done. Then, I go to put in the last ingredient I needed to make her cupcakes, and realize there's only one egg in the refrigerator and I need three. Yeah. So. It happened, anyway, and the house didn't look nearly as bad as it should have. I'll post pics from her birthday party some other time; I haven't downloaded them from my camera yet.

BUT, in honor of her birthday tomorrow, I'd like to share this: it is her uncle wishing her happy birthday from Germany. Fast forward about 50 seconds into the clip, the first part is of little interest to an outsider. :)

Sunday October 14, 2007 - 07:59pm (PST)

Comments
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIRA! I know she probably does not know who I am, but let her know? Just name recognition at 2 would be pretty impressive!--Spanish señorita
Thursday October 25, 2007 - 01:28am (PST)

My daughter is insane. (Fri 12 Oct 2007)

Behold, above, the remnants of her handiwork. What, exactly, is that evidence of?

Observe, Exhibit A: Scribbled-Sharpie-Marker paper. This is what a practically-two-year-old is capable of getting ahold of and doing within the window of time in which it takes her mother to brush her teeth. Amazingly, she didn't scribble outside the boundaries of the paper even though she did manage to cover a decent amount of the paper expanse in that short time.

Next, witness Exhibit B: Cat food in a child's dish, much of it spilling out onto the coffee table. My daughter likes cat food. She likes it so much, in fact, that I have given up trying to stop her from eating it. She retrieves a bowl and spoon from the kitchen drawer that contains her utensils and such, marches off to the pantry where the cats' food is, and fill her bowl. Then, she proceeds to eat it with a spoon. Chews it. Swallows it. Smiles, then eats more.Whatever. She seems healthy, anyway...

Friday October 12, 2007 - 08:15pm (PST)

Comments

That's crazy.She should at least pour some milk over the top of it.--Josh
Friday October 12, 2007 - 08:37pm (PST)

First Fight

If you know what I'm talking about or are curious to learn, click here.
Monday October 8, 2007 - 09:58pm (PST)

Comments
I am both fascinated and disturbed by boxing. The thought of someone that I know being a boxer and getting beat up would be wierd to cheer for. --Amber the Great
Tuesday October 9, 2007 - 11:23am (PST)

I still have no idea what it was I was watching but indeed I did watch. Then it cut off at the final round. Like someone pulled the final chapter of pages out of the book!--M
Thursday October 11, 2007 - 09:39am (PST)

Sorry about that, I have no idea why it did that. I fixed the link though, at least, I thought. It should be full-length now. What you were watching was The Boy Who Lived (in yellow) at his first boxing match. He didn't win but he did well.
Friday October 12, 2007 - 07:57pm (PST)

Mourning the loss of Harry (Mon 08 Oct 2007)

Ever since I finished reading the last Harry Potter novel, I can't help but feel that there is something missing from life. There's no plotting ways to steal minutes from each day to read; no more guilty bets being made on who dies. I know everything, and it's unsatisfying. It's like there's nothing left to live for...my only hope is that the movies continue their burgeoning excellence. :)

Mira's First Mania (Sun 07 Oct 07)

Despite my angst-ridden feelings towards The Television and its evil-ness, particular relative to child viewers, my daughter has developed her first show-infatuation. No, we still don't watch (any) TV in our house, but I have always allowed movies, within reason. They don't contain those god-awful, child-seducing marketing ploys dished out in regular seven minute intervals (or whatever it is) in the form of commercials. That's my biggest bone with TV, the next biggest bone being the oversexualization of pretty much everything. Whenever I happen to catch a glimpse of television it is both mortifying and disgusting. But anyway.Mira loves Monsters Inc. We think she rather fancies that Boo is an animated version of herself. Morning, noon and night she wanders around the house, asking, "Mon-sink, peez. Mon-sink peez," at varying levels of whine. At any rate, there are much worse things she could have developed an affinity for, so I'm trying to embrace her Monsters Inc. love as a minor toddler attachment.

Sunday October 7, 2007 - 09:03pm (PST)

Comments
Oh at least she's got good taste in movies! That one rocks!!!--M
Monday October 8, 2007 - 08:09am (PST)

We rode in a Monsters, Inc. ride at Disney's California Adventure! We got to ride in little taxicabs all through Monster-ville (or whatever that monster town is) and look for Boo. It was awesome. At the end of the ride, Roz told me she liked my glasses!--Amber

Proud Mama Moment! (Tue 02 Oct 07)

Yesterday was yet another busy day, with the afternoon capped off by a conference with Torrin's teacher. Miss Powell, first grade. As a brief sidenote, just after the school year had begun, my aunt Joyce asked Torrin if there were any pretty girls in his class. He said no, but his teacher was pretty cute. Starting on that older woman trend a bit early! But anyway.

Torrin's been kinda pissy lately. I don't know if it's some kind of resentment towards the Boy Who Lived, frustration with his sister's constant pestering, a combination of the two or neither of the preceding factors. Soooooo, it was kind of nice to go to the conference with his teacher and hear about what a great kid he is. "He is by far the best reader in my class," she gushed, before correcting herself and adding diplomatically, "well there is one other little girl who is almost as advanced in reading as he is." Torrin and that little girl, Ashley, get to go to the library when the rest of the class is working on reading because their skill level significantly surpassesthat of what their class is doing. They can work on reading chapter books or get 'challenge' assignments.

Torrin is also part of a group that goes with the gifted math instructor twice per week. In kindergarten they went once weekly, so that's an increase. His academic achievement burgeons in comparison to behavior concerns. He's far from perfect, and he's got an attitude, some selective listening, plus a whiny voice to prove it. But getting a glowing school report sure helps in the face of a pouty, tantrum-throwing six-year-old.

Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 08:06pm (PST)

Comments

Heh. Torrin has the same shirt as me.--Josh
Tuesday October 2, 2007 - 09:14pm (PST)

Awesome! Do you throw temper tantrums too? :) --Jacinda
Wednesday October 3, 2007 - 06:36am (PST)

It's beeen a crappy week. (And as promised, pics...) (Fri 28 Sep 07)

I'm not going to go into the details of why the week has been crappy. But believe me, it has been, and it's been quite busy as well. So it was nice when the following was received as a surprise from The Boy Who Lived:

Then to make things better, we made good on our plans to make a pizza (his idea!). As in, actually make one, not just bake it. Neither of us had even done that before. And truthfully, he put forth 90% of the effort. All I did was chop up red pepper, some onion, and cook the sausages. We did cheat by not making the crust or tomato sauce; I'm willing to tackle the crust and he's more than willing to make a sauce next time. Here is the final product of Pizza No. 1 (Pizza No. 2 is waiting in the refrigerator to be baked tomorrow):

And now for a couple of pictures from last weekend...these are both motorcycle-related pics; the motorcycle belongs to The Chosen One's mother. We went for a nice ride. It's the beginning of fall, but still warm, so there was a beautiful selection of colors painted in the so-alive-it's-breathing scenery. First, me with Mira; then me with The Boy Who Lived on the bike:

Friday September 28, 2007 - 08:48pm (PST)

Comments
Helloooo, Leather Girl! ;)--julie
Saturday September 29, 2007 - 04:28pm (PST)

You are the epitome of bike chic! My week was awful, too. French feast and Omaha trip were great, it just wasn;t quite enough to steal the thunder from the craptastic events (and exes) of my life. I bought us some flowers for cheer, and my cat ate half of them. Your fleurs, on the otherhand, look lovely.--Amber,non-blogger extraordinaire

I promise to post pictures next time! :) (Tue 25 Sep 07)

Good news and bad news to report.

Bad news first:

We didn't get to go to the football game as planned. Someone was a scammer. But, rest assured, we are fairly certain that said person is now safely incarcerated. :)

Good news:

-Mira was actually pretty good in the car, even without her brother to entertain her, and without the aid of media in the form of a travel DVD player I didn't borrow from my mom. BUT she wouldn't stay asleep in the car, which was unfortunate given that most of our driving (12 hours there and 11 hrs back) was done at night. It's not 'supposed' to take quite that long to get there but we ran into traffic coming both to and fro and had to make several stops, given that we had a small child in our midst.

-I liked The Boy Who Lived's friends and family.-If possible, I like the Boy Who Lived even more. But as previously stated, I'm not sure that that's even a plausible concept.

-Mira behaved herself remarkably well (in relation to typical or probable Mira behavior based on prior experience). Although I might add it was somewhat peculiar to see The Chosen One's mom doing her hair, giving her a bath, taking her places, etc., especially given that I'd never met her before. It's all good, though, of course.

-I liked The Boy Who Lived's friends and family. (Oh wait, I already said that).

-If possible, I like the Boy Who Lived even more. (Oh wait, I already said that too).

Tuesday September 25, 2007 - 10:56pm (PST)

Comments
Rats...you missed the chance to sit in the freezing cold and watch guys run around and hit each other with a ball. But still, the cheering and the hot dogs would be fun! And beer!--Amber
Wednesday September 26, 2007 - 10:21am (PST)

That's a long damn drive for no game! Sucky. But I'm sure glad you can see the positives... and what good positives they are! :)--julie
Wednesday September 26, 2007 - 06:00pm (PST)

hey hey amber...there was no freezing cold! it was beautiful!
Friday September 28, 2007 - 08:27pm (PST)

This is a bit sudden, isn't it? (Fri 21 Sep 2007)

We're driving to WHOOPS-NEVERMIND today. Yeah, um, we'll just say, hop-skipping a state or two or three or whatever-who-cares over, a ten hour drive, and yes Miss Mira will be in the vehicle. We're going to meet the Boy Who Lived's family, as well as go to a professional football game...I'd say the team, but that'd give me away, wouldn't it? There's actually a pretty good story that goes along with how this all came about but...shoot, I need to be packing. And don't bother about the itty-bitty detail that I have to go to work, too.

Unfortunately, we have to turn around and come back immediately following the game because I have a training to attend in Omaha on Monday morning. Positive Parenting or some other possible BS, possible valuable information...for its sake and my own, it had better be the latter as opposed to the former.

Friday September 21, 2007 - 12:32am (PST)

Comments
Have a fun trip! I hope the drive is... quiet. :)--julie
Friday September 21, 2007 - 10:03am (PST)

Wooo! Have fun! Good oluck with the drive! Enjoy yourself! (GIVE DETAILS when you're back! ;) )--M
Saturday September 22, 2007 - 11:54am (PST)

Damn. Pumpkin. (Tue 18 Sep 07)

My big toe hurts.
Left foot rammed into a pumpkin as I innocuously perused produce at the grocery store about half an hour ago. Oh, whoops, stubbed my toe. Uttered a curse of some sort and went about my...OW!Why does it still hurt so much? I looked down, and saw blood trickling from under my toenail. Great, I've cracked my toe nail on a flippin' pumpkin? Feeling like an idiot, I bend over beside my cart to more closely inspect my bleeding toe. The nail's not cracked. So it's bleeding...why? And it's still throbbing with agony...why? There's pumpkin bits jammed under my toenail. WTF. My toe nail is neither particularly long nor sharp. But apparently it sliced right into that pumpkin at just the right angle...Feeling even more moronic, I bend back over, and start to pick at my bleeding toe nail...in the grocery store produce section...digging out pieces of pure-evil-pumpkin. Worse still, I'm now home and unable to determine if there's any pumpkin left under there (because damn it still aches...actually, though, getting kinda numb now) and heaven-be-damned if I'm gonna seek treatment for Pumpkined Toenail. Gross. And stupid.

Tuesday September 18, 2007 - 06:54pm (PST)

Comments
Oh. my. ow. eww. yuck. EEEEEEEP!!!Maybe you, uh, SHOULD have it looked at? Just in case? Can you imagine pumpkin rot infection in your wounded toe? SICK! (Of course wtf would they do? Look at it, shrug, and say come back if it gets worse most likely.)BTW the character left limit on here makes me amused. I mean, I could probably never meet it I just like watching it tick down super fast as I cruise along.I am way too easily amused. And off topic.Your toe. I feel for it. I'm so so sorry.--M
Wednesday September 19, 2007 - 07:08pm (PST)

I felt like such a whiny b*tch posting this but damn it was true, it DID hurt, and guess what, I DO think it's infected...great. I'll see how it feels in the morning...wait, it is morning...okay, later this morning when I'm SUPPOSED to be awake...Glad the character limit is amusing you. I must admit I kinda like it too. :)
Friday September 21, 2007 - 12:25am (PST)

I've never heard of a pumpkin infection before. Just clean it out really good and slap on Neosporin? And go yell at the idiot who put the pumpkin there in the first place!--julie
Friday September 21, 2007 - 10:05am (PST)

I had a good birthday, thanks :) (Sat 15 Sep 2007)

Thanks to the many MySpace well-wishers (and the few I did see in person too). I had a good day. It started off in usual business form, with a meeting at 9am where my agency got totally bashed and reprimanded and followed by a person who was an hour late to her appointment after practically yelling at me over the phone the day before because I couldn't pay for her grandchild's birth certificate at that very moment. But she was polite when she did arrive, and thankfully was pleasant enough throughout the rest of the ordeal. Actually, even though I was hella busy at work on my birthday ('twas Thursday, the 13th--next year will be a Friday again! Yay), everyone was at least cordial. If you don't know, I work at a Native American community cultural center as Executive Assistant and also help with family services, which is what truly encompasses most f my time spent there. I was busy all day long doing intakes, giving diapers and personal hygiene items to families and other sorts of things, but not a one of those people was rude or overly demanding, which is often the case. :)

The wand and halo were a gift from a beloved co-worker. You know, one of the few I don't feel like strangling on a regular basis. In the evening, we went to play Laser Tag with my son, my son's dad, my son's friend, two of my younger brothers, and The Boy Who Lived. It was fun, and I screamed a lot. Because, I scream, that's my thing. I don't mean to do it, I just do.

At night, we went with my friend Edie, and again, The Chosen One. Had fun. Drank a bit. Stayed out too late, but not to the point where I had a hangover or couldn't get to work in the morning.

Heaven Help Us All (Mon 10 Sep 2007)

I'm really coming to the end of my rope in terms of Voldemort. I refuse to share with him the identity of the Boy Who Lived. Absolutely refuse. No matter who he threatens to call in attempt to harvest information, despite the many insults he slings my way. Interestingly, there is a source of information right under his nose. Thankfully, that source has remained mysteriously silent. I don't understand why or how this is possible, but I am grateful for this tiny bit of censorship (because it certainly has nothing to do with any allegiance towards me).

Too Cute for Her Own Good (Fri 07 Sep 2007)

Who would believe that this child is a tyrant? And it gets worse...she's developing her speech skills at an alarming rate, finally...just try to say no to this cute little face after its corresponding cute little voice asks for "moooore peeeze" of something. Or try to deny her being picked up when she asks for "hug, peeeze."

On the other hand, she is getting very good about going to her time-out spot, and coming out of said time-out spot better behaved.

Friday September 7, 2007 - 10:45am (PST)

Comments

The time out spot is the next step here. I have serious doubts that she'll stay. But you're right... tyrant is the perfect word to describe it.--julie
Friday September 7, 2007 - 09:57pm (PST)

OMG tyrant is so unbelievable because what a doll she is. She always looks so grown up. Though time out spot? I am SUPER jealous that works! WOOT for effective punishment!--M

Saturday September 8, 2007 - 07:19am (PST)

Mama Heart Attack! (Mon 03 Sep 2007)

It's Labor Day. La-dee-freakin' da, but hey, cool, we get to stay home 'n chill. Or something like that.


So, there I was, nonchalantly cooking a gourmet lunch of macaroni and cheese and green beans. Waiting for the water to boil. Torrin and Mira had been permitted to go outside, but only on the porch. The silence on the porch was a dead giveaway to the lack of instruction-following, so I paraded on outside, slightly nervous at what may be transpiring on the perimeter of my house. Of course, they're not on the porch. Look down the west side of the house, towards the back, where we park our car and there's a ton of gravel. Mira loves to throw rocks. No sign of the two.


Okay, starting to feel a bit panicked. I yell, "Tooooooooorrin!" No response.


Back to the front of the house, look down the block to the east and up toward the west. Nothing, at first, except it looks like the neighbors a few buildings away are having another garage sale.


Wait a second! There's Torrin on his bike, coming toward the house, down the hill. He gets going pretty fast on that hill sometimes...


Where's Mira?


Oh, sh*t! She's on the bike too!

Yeah, no training wheels...they've been absent for over a year now. I guess Torrin is a pretty steady rider after all...and that four-and-a-half year age difference is seeming to not interfere much with sibling scheming...


Monday September 3, 2007 - 02:09pm (PST)


Comments
OMG I would've freaking died.
That said? That pic is unreasonably cute and Mira is really sobworthy old now!--M
Monday September 3, 2007 - 04:18pm (PST)

Makes for a great picture, though!--Amber
Monday September 3, 2007 - 06:33pm (PST)

Like, OMG, Becky, her butt is soooo big. (Sat 01 Sep 2007)

Thursday, I went to my local friendly slightly ghetto downtown YMCA. This is nothing unusual; we go there a couple of times per week. I did my typical 20 minutes on the elliptical. At one point I looked up from my book long enough to turn my head and see a little, blonde, fakely-orange tanned girl totally scrutinizing her rear end in the mirror in full view of everyone in the room, including one or maybe two men. Ummmokay. Whatever. Back to Harry Potter.

Next I set out to do my weight training circuit which is on the same floor adjacent to the cardio machines. Again, nothing unusual. In fact, since we had gone later than we normally do in the evening, it was actually less crowded and I was able to go through the first six machines without interruption or having to wait for someone to get off of something. Now, on the seventh machine, an inner thigh deal, The Blonde Butt-Checking Girl was sitting. And had been sitting. In fact, she hadn't used the machine at all in the past five minutes that she'd been sitting on it. She was doing her makeup. And text messaging on her phone.

Now this is all fine and dandy but it was pretty obvious that I was going to want to use that machine. I was utilizing the circuit, doing 1 or 2 sets of 10-20 reps on each machine, in order. And it's annoying to go out of order because they're set up in a way that you won't do two different leg or arm machines consecutively; that is, there'll be a leg machine followed by something for the arms following by another kind of leg thing and then something for your abs or back. Or whatever. Anyway, she was in my way and she was either oblivious or didn't care. So, I skipped around her, grudgingly, screwing up my sequence. I'm next to her, using an upper arm machine, as she continues to waste space (and oxygen) on herself, sitting on the inner thigh machine, not using it or anything. She gets up. I'm excited, thinking she's finally going to move. Nooooo. She just stands there, directly adjacent to the machine, in such a way that she's in the way and she has to know it by now. So what does she do? Calls up her friend. "Heeeey! I was just wondering if you wanted to go with me tomorrow to get our nails done? Or do you work? I need to get my nails done!"

You're freakin' kidding me. Thank god, she left after that.

Saturday September 1, 2007 - 10:12am (PST)

If you can't take the heat, get yo a$s out da kitchen. (Tue 28 Aug 2007)

Actually I think that maybe I'm the one who can't take the heat. Strange, too, that this should happen when I've been feeling happier. Not that I was depressed before...I haven't had that problem since well before Mira was born, and since a good deal before I got pregnant too. But nonetheless, I am happier lately. So why am I so stressed out? Yeah, sure, I could elaborate...I have some ideas. But...maybe in the future, I'll get into it.

Holy Rotten Terror. (Sun 26 Aug 2007)

Here she is, spawn of the devil...Seriously, this child? Who above appears in sleeping angelic bliss? Last evening and this morning she screamed as she has never screamed before. Which in and of itself may not be that bad but we were also in the company of people we had never before met. How 'bout that for first impressions! We had gone to Famous Dave's, and Mira seriously screamed her way through the entire production. It was awful. Then this morning, I had a few extra people who had stayed over here at our house, and she was at it again, yelling like a banshee about every little thing. Relentless. Pair it off with a few other mishaps that I won't elaborate on right now, and...yikes. Thankfully, well...I'll just leave it at that.

Sunday August 26, 2007 - 01:10pm (PST)

Comments

Sorry. Obviously Liam gave her the memo that acting like a hellion is 'cute' and 'amusing'. Too bad that's wrong all wrong. That said? She really is remarkably adorable. Even if demonic. (Which, I'm certain, is the only reason my son is still alive. He's too cute to throw in the river!)--M
Tuesday August 28, 2007 - 08:20am (PST)

Y'know,I often have trouble believing that Liam is ever rotten, despite blow-by-blow pics illustrating otherwise, b/c in every picture, he's so darn cute!
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 06:46am (PST)
Author: lajacinthe

After 3 weeks in California with children who were truly evil (but angelic when sleeping), I find myself slower to label any other children as being that naughty. Even my niece.--Amber
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 05:07pm (PST)

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named (Sat 25 Aug 2007)

Today, I realized that Mason isn't cute anymore.It has nothing to do with a change in his physical appearance, at least, not one of which I am aware. I've noticed a gradual decline in the Cuteness Factor of You-Know-Who over the past six weeks or so, but it didn't really jar me until today. On this lovely Saturday, his lack of cuteness really struck me hard.This happened once in the past, in 2005, when I was pregnant with Mira and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was such a jerk. On that day, I stood outside of Burnett Hall on campus and saw that he was not attractive anymore. Shortly thereafter, an argument ensued which ended with him accusing me of prostitution and spitting on me. Strangely enough Certain Special Someone has been getting cuter and cuter...coincidence? I think not.

Saturday August 25, 2007 - 01:16pm (PST)

Comments
Strange how that works, huh? Nothing changes but everything does. I'm so glad there's someone cuter (and not an ass) to focus on.funny...my code word included "sly4u" *snort* coincidence? surely not. i bet 'sly' fits Mason quite well.--M
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 09:02pm (PST)

Bad Mama in the House! (Sat 25 Aug 2007)

I dyed Torrin's hair. Or, as he put it shortly thereafter, I "dialed" his hair. I think he was making a combination of 'dyed' and 'styled.' It's mahogany brown, AKA dark enough so that his hair matches better with his sister's and my darker shades but light enough that it doesn't look entirely unnatural with his eyebrows and face.
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 12:54pm (PST)

Comments
Oh his dialed hair is so cute though!! Man he's grown up!!!--M
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 09:03pm (PST)

Next time he wants it black with two blue stripes. (!)
Saturday August 25, 2007 - 11:13pm (PST)
Author: lajacinthe

Stylin dude!--Amber
Wednesday August 29, 2007 - 05:04pm (PST)

All right, where's my trophy? (Wed 22 Aug 07)

Guess what I did last night? I lost my car key!I think it may be in the trunk. I was loading up the trunk with recyclables last night and it was after that when I realized the key was nowhere in sight. I'd been cleaning, so it should have been fairly visible, and Mira and Torrin weren't home so I know that one of them (Mira) didn't run off with it. Everything's okay. I'm at work right now, and yes, I drove here. I called a locksmith last night, and I did have a spare key in the middle console. I'll let you know if it was in the trunk or not after I drop stuff off at the recycling site.

Wednesday August 22, 2007 - 06:46am (PST)

Comments
It was in a plastic bag, in the trunk, along with a bunch of plastic #1 and #2 bottles waiting to be recycled...WOW I am so awesome... :)
Friday August 24, 2007 - 08:23am (PST)

I've Got a First Grader (Mon 20 Aug 2007)

Torrin marched off to his first day as a first-grader this morning. It was a much rougher start than last year for kindergarten; I'm sure he'll improve as the day continues. He went to bed kind of late, and his temperament has gotten rather adolescent-moody as summer has progressed. I think school will help smack him back into six-year-old reality.

Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:36am (PST)

Comments
Well, he certainly had a lot to say to me about first grade when we spoke. He also mentioned that, although there are no cute girls in his class, he does have a cute teacher. What a doll!--Amber
Wednesday August 22, 2007 - 09:55pm (PST)

Um...wow. I guess his teacher is kinda cute. (!!!)
Thursday August 23, 2007 - 09:03am (PST)

Checkin' Out-E (Wed 15 Aug 2007)

No kids.
Three hours away in a different city.
Different state. Going to a water-themed amusement park.
Gonna eat some scrumptious food.

Oh, HECK yeah. I'm so pumped I already don't want to come back, and I don't leave until late tomorrow morning.

Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 12:00pm (PST)


Comments
LMAO...we didn't make it to Oceans of Fun. It was the weather!!! Yeah, right, the weather! LOL. We had fun.
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:38am (PST)

Juggling (Mon 13 Aug 2007)

is not something that I am good it. This sucks immensely. As much as I don't want to deal with Mason knowing about Certain Someone, it's getting really silly coordinating the picking-up and dropping-off of Mira where her father is concerned. Uh-oh, Mason's coming! Um...hurry, let's drop Certain Someone off around the corner and pick you back up again following Mason's departure. Oh, crap, hello, Mason. Let me cover up those clothes that don't belong to me so that you can't see them. Whoops, lemme take out that trash before you arrive so that you don't inspect its contents. Torrin, don't mention Certain Someone! Torrin says? "Yeah, I know mom, we don't want to make Mason mad." And, "Yeah, I remember that time when the cops came. What were you guys arguing about again?" "I remember I was hiding in the closet because I was scared." This is just ridiculous. I think it's time to come out of hiding, no matter how painful it may initially seem.

Monday August 13, 2007 - 09:52am (PST)


Comments
this entry kinda broke my heart.seriously mason needs to be sent to a far away island. by his own craptacular self. you and the kidfolk don't deserve that drama! BOO HISS!--M
Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 06:31pm (PST)

Sad thing is that when he's in a sh*tty mood, that's exactly what he wants. No, wait, what he wants is to be dead. How depressing is that?
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:42am (PST)

ENFP: The Advocate (Fri 10 Aug 2007)

http://jacinda.mypersonality.infofor/For some reason geocities is being a punk and I can't post a picture. So I tried, and the html code won't work. I checked it, double-checked, and triple-checked and everything was fine. I follow the the link and tried to save the picture so that I can go the old-fashioned route, but I can't save it as a .jpg or .jpeg file. Jerks.

Even More thoroughly complicating matters (Thu 09 Aug 2007)

Last night Mason took Mira for a couple of hours. When he brought her home, just before he drove off in his car, he asked me if he could have the key back. "The Key" as in, my only other spare key to my house, and The Key is currently in possession of my father, who is currently staying with me. Of course, he can't have the key. I like the fact that he doesn't have a key, and I don't want him to have a key again. But the mere truth that he wants to have The Key again is troublesome.

Further Complicating Matters (Tue 07 Aug 2007)

E-mail message received from Mason today (condensed slightly):

Maybe it's not exactly like you like to say.... "My mood changes by the minute", but maybe it's that I have conflicting feelings that go back and forth. I want you to be alone and unhappy vs. I want you to find someone good and be happy for the rest of your live(s). I want to die vs. I want to live. I want to be with you b/c I love you and could see us being SO happy vs. I can't forgive or trust you and can't see us being happy.

In the mean time, well, I am happy right now. With someone else. I can only hope that it lasts for at least a little while.

Multitalented, Pt. II (Mon 06 Aug 2007)

I locked my keys in my car yet again last week. This time it was at work. Luckily someone here was able to get them out...thank you, Barb. I'm totally scatterbrained lately.

I'm at work and Torrin is here with me. Day camp ended last week and school doesn't start for two more weeks. It's not so bad having him here at work with me, but it is more nerve-wracking having him while I'm at class. He just hung out in the hallways and was delighted to find out that there was a vending machine/game room. He'll probably spend most of his time in there from now on. It keeps him occupied, but I don't like him being so far away.

Monday August 6, 2007 - 09:21am (PST)

Comments
So...do you win a special prize or something!!? ;)--Amber
Wednesday August 15, 2007 - 11:38am (PST)

And then a few days later TORRin almost locked the keys in the car...luckily there was one door that wasn't locked and he was mistaken when he came running, miesrably, to tell me of his locked-keys-in-car-fate. I think we DO deserve SOME kind of prize or trophy or something.
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:46am (PST)

Torrin Swims. (Mon 30 Jul 2007)

It's awfully cute. He can dive, too. I think he's had a pretty good summer. He's been going to Spanish Language Immersion day camp. It's less Spanish lessons than it is recreation, but that's okay too. It is summer after all, and one of the best things about being a kid is having summers off. I'm not the sort of mom to make Torrin sit around and do workbooks. All that stuff seems pretty artificial to me. What's more important is that he has plenty of opportunities for natural learning, which are so easy to find. Simple things, like reading a book to his sister or counting money...hello, language arts and mathematics. Learning by rote memorization isn't of much benefit to most of us anyway...those with so-called 'photographic memories' aside. And so far, it's working...

Multitalented (Sat 28 Jul 2007)

I locked my keys in my car just off I-80 at the Aurora exit.

And my phone.
And my Mira.
And my wallet, money, etc.

Of course, I didn't mean to...I was just putting something into the trunk while Torrin and my father used the restrooms in the gas station.

Called the Sheriff...they were busy with a 9-11 call.
Called a locksmith. He was out of town.
Called Sprint, because I have Roadside Rescue Assistance on my plan. Waited on hold for 10 minutes.
Finally, someone helped us out and we got into the car. Mira never woke, thankfully.

Saturday July 28, 2007 - 01:59pm (PST)

Comments
Next time just wake Mira up and have her get the keys.--Joshua
Saturday July 28, 2007 - 08:47pm (PST)

I wish! She doesn't know how to unlock the doors yet. Nice to see you post, haven't heard from you in forever. --Jacinda
Monday July 30, 2007 - 11:12am (PST)

Paranoid.

I'm always afraid to write about Mason because, although he does not, he could so very easily stumble upon this little place where I vent about him so often.

And now I'm paranoid about writing about a certain someone else, but for an entirely different yet strangely similar reason. That person...I like.

Friday July 27, 2007 - 12:25pm (PST)

Comments
Ooh! ooh! Maybe you could use a CODE name for the someone else. That way, i can still live vicariously through your tale of almost romance.--Amber
Monday August 6, 2007 - 12:49pm (PST)

I've been referring to him mostly as 'Certain Someone' or sometimes 'Certain Special Someone.' And I think it's safe to drop the "almost" from the phrase "almost-romance" at this point too. :D
Monday August 20, 2007 - 07:48am (PST)

Goin' 2 Da Rez (Sat 21 Jul 2007)

We're getting ready to go to Macy this morning, for the funeral of a woman who's like my grandma, actually my biological grandmother's sister.

I got a call yesterday while I was in Anatomy lab from a woman I have never met and only talked to once when I was probably 11 years old. She's my mother's eldest biological sister. My parents are both adopted, but my mom knows who her birth mother is (was). So there's all this family that I don't know. And hopefully someday we'll find out where my father comes from too.

On a positive note...

I do like someone. It's wonderful, this feeling that the air is electric.

This is why...

So last night Mason was over at my house to play with Mira. As usual, his eyes looked all red. And along with a buncha other junk, he proceeded to tell me that he had a dream about me the night before. In his dream, I had a boyfriend, and Mason was reacting in anger and violence.So encouraging!

Tipi Time!

We're going camping this week at Pawnee Lake with the Indian Center program. You know, since that's where I work and everything. :) On Tuesday afternoon, we went out to set up two tipis...I won't be staying in one, though. They are for the youth. One for girls, one for boys.And if I haven't mentioned, I am SUPER busy now. With work, a 5-week Anatomy course, Torrin, Mira, my kitties, and general familial conerns, YIKES! (as I sit here, posting from work...just checked my bank account, too...whoops).
Friday July 13, 2007 - 09:37am (PST)

Comments
These are the times you wish for boredom! But you are a good multi-taker, and at least it means there is never a dull moment ;)Amber--Amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 11:40pm (PST)

Mason Is Not My Boyfriend

In case there is any confusion...Or maybe I'm just clarifying it for myself, who knows.But it does seem like people think that there is more to the relationship between Mason and I than there really is.Yes, he went with us to Chicago, but he wasn't there as my boyfriend or partner. He cooperated, as he is Mira's father and all, and he paid for stuff...I paid for the bulk of the lodging cost...we drove his car, he bought the gas. A coordinated effort, yes, but not the effort of a couple.

Actually, we haven't actually beeen boyfriend and girlfriend in something like three years. I've known him for nearly five; the bulk of our time 'in knowing' has been spent fighting, not speaking, or just nothing. Sure, there are times when he acts like he cares, but his swirling shadow of insecurity, jealousy, judgment and assumption always gets in the way. Yeah, we went to Kansas City together in March. That was my doing. I decided, for once, to take charge and make something happen. Over the course of our relationship, it's always been 'something' or anything at all only when Mason feels like it. I am the devil, everything is always my fault. I feel so used. In regards to Mason, I am a total pushover. Whenever he has shown the slightest interest in the past couple years, I drop everything on the chance of a teeny-tiny, faint, glimmer of hope. I feel a sort of a duty towards him, like I owe him. So I decided to take some initiative and make something happen that was my own doing. We did it, it worked; but nothing lasting came forth from the effort.

When Mira was born, Mason wouldn't sign the birth certificate. He didn't believe she was his. She looked a little bit like the last of the Mohicans, yes, but she also looked remarkably like me as a baby. There were no other possibilities as to who her father was. Absolutely zero chance. Not only do I know when and where she was conceived, but there was nothing and noone else. Despite what Mason says about me, and my character...When Mira was very small (and coincidentally enough, prior the the genetic testing results which named Mason as father with a 99.99% probability), Mason exploded at me, demanding to know how many men I'd slept with since Mira's birth. The honest truth was that there was noone but him, miserly, miserable Mason. He was certain that because I had elected to take birth control Depo-Provera shots at my six-week postpartum checkup, that I was sleeping around with whoever, whatever. In actuality that was done purely for his benefit. After everything I went through being pregnant with Mira (and don't get me wrong, the pregnancy itself was highly routine) there was no way I was going to subject myself to all of that mess again. Every time I run my tongue over my teeth, which happens several times a day, I am reminded why. My front tooth was chipped ever so slightly during that particular altercation, when Mason pushed me, holding tiny baby Mira, to the floor in my kitchen, at my house where he stayed for seven months but never claimed to live with me. He always said he was living with his mother (loser) even though he was at my house for two hundred nights in a row without interruption. And that's hardly the worst of it; it's just the only lasting blemish.

So why, WHY do I go on as I do, hoping for this mess of stupidity?

Before our trip to Chicago, there was someone I was sort of talking to. He was nice and made good conversation, but it was nothing more than talking. I don't know what happened; I haven't heard from him in about three weeks, minus a brief mostly-chance encounter which yielded no clues and no progress. Hmm.Well now, I guess, maybe, just maybe, things might be a bit different. I'm still not sure that I'm 'over' Mason. I have this feeling that I never really will be, but I am going absolutely crazy in the meantime. I don't want to hurt anyone. But mostly, I don't want to be hurt anymore, either.

Monday July 16, 2007 - 07:59pm (PST)

Comments
Oh honey I wish I could fix the Mason Mess for you. You deserve better for your heart than what you write here. Any chance of the big bad therapy word to try to help break the cycle for you?Wanna come over and eat candy corn with me? I hear it helps! xoxox--M
Thursday July 19, 2007 - 01:35pm (PST)

I would love to come over and eat candy corn with you! But the whole living a thousand miles away thing might get in the way. :)
Friday July 20, 2007 - 11:05am (PST)

Fu¢ker!

Mira said fu¢ker today!

Of course, it's all my fault. We were downtown trying to find a parking space at the YMCA so that Torrin could go to his swimming lessons. And, of course, we had only, like seven minutes to get parked, inside, and down to the swimming pool. An SUV backed out of its spot just ahead of us, when this dopey red Cavalier came scooting across two lanes to pop into the asphalt void. And since I'm such a classy, verbose sort of person, I uttered the first thing that came to mind: FU¢KER! To which Mira immediately parroted, "fu¢ker!"
Torrin thought it was hilarious.
I did, too, as much as I would have liked not to.
So she repeated it again.
More laughter.
Thankfully, that was the end of it, and then she started chattering about something else. We'll see if it sneaks back into conversation anytime soon. I'm hoping not. ;) And, I have chocolate, so everything's okay. Loneliness? Desolation? Frustration? Lack of appreciation? Whatev. The chocolate will always love me.

Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 08:46pm (PST)

Comments
Oh! Be still my heart! The girl utilizing my fave profanity already? *swoons* BEAUTIFUL! (And horrifying. I will absolutely DIE when Liam someday mimics the word. I use it far far too much.)--M
Friday July 13, 2007 - 11:43am (PST)

Yesterday, Gage was over to play. He brought his toy chicken and called it his "big fat cock." I thought I was going to die with laughter.--amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 04:36pm (PST)

Kids are funny like that.-amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 09:07pm (PST)

OK....that was probably not the most appropriate way to share that story....but I can't go back and delete/edit my comments. Sorry!--Amber
Saturday July 14, 2007 - 11:37pm (PST)

It's okay, Amber. I know you and Gage, so I know...I'm sure it was funny. Mira used to pronounce the sock "cock." Now she calls them "cockies." I think it's hilarious.
Wednesday July 18, 2007 - 12:47pm (PST)

I want chocolate, darnit!

Such a sad thing, when a girl wants chocolate and doesn't have any! Even sadder when that girl has no food stamp benefits to go and buy some! *blush* Well, it's Monday morning (albeit very early, 1:15AM) and the work week has commenced. I can't say I'm excited. I've got a fat report to write this morning, in order to finish another fat report, this afternoon. Then I can start transcribing an interview. Barf. Maybe I'll try to wake up early (yeah, right) so that we can bikeride to work, daycare, and day camp and get some sanity-saving interludes of peace. And then maybe I can even stop somewhere and purchase some much-needed chocolate.

Where, oh where, do my weekends go?

Oh where, oh where could they be?
Seriously, what happens to them? Just like anyone else working the typical M-F gig, I look forward to my weekends immensely. A chance to relax, unwind, catch up on sleep, lounge around. Except that I never have the time to do that! Our weekends always get all booked up. Today it was a vet appointment for one of our kitties; a birthday party for one of Torrin's kindergarten classmates; a trip to the post office for a package that would have fit in our mailbox; visiting the great grandfather; and working out at the YMCA; only the last of which could be said to have been done completely for my own well-being at my own choice, free of others' input. This was not our busiest of weekend days, by far, either. Tomorrow we'll head to my grandmother's before we trek over to a friend's house to help with some cleaning. I hope to goodness that we are able to come home after that so that I can work on my own darn house.And what the heck is wrong with my memory card reader? It won't recognize my SD memory card on this computer, either. The camera hasn't seemed to have any problems with it. WTF.

Saturday July 7, 2007 - 11:55pm (PST)

Comments
I know what you mean about weekends. They are never long enough! Cute pic of Mira! I know I'm a bad mommy for saying this, but the crying pics are so freakin' cute!
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:31pm (PST)

OK, that last comment was from me... I didn't mean to be anonymous!--julie
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:31pm (PST)

It's okay, I know I'm difficult by not using blogspot, livejournal, etc., like everyone else. :)
Sunday July 8, 2007 - 08:57pm (PST)

Independence Day...and back to Lincoln

We got back this morning around 5:30AM. It was a looooong drive, a looooong night, and a looooooong day today as well. Every time Torrin asked, "why are you so tired, mom?" it got a little bit longer. Torrin was pretty insistent that he, too, had stayed up almost all night (he was passed out by 10:30PM) and he felt fine, so, why didn't Mom feel great too? And nevermind that we walked for. EVER! yesterday, through 3 museums and up and down Michigan Avenue, without a stroller. Mason wasn't with us, either, so it was just me lugging Mira around. Mason evidently didn't hear me when I instructed him to pack the stroller into his trunk...oh well, the kids were great.

For those of you who don't know, we went to Chicago to meet a bunch of moms from an online bulletin board community that I've been visiting since I was pregnant with Mira. Never would I have guessed, two years ago, that I'd be meeting several of those moms in person. It was great. We rented a house out in the suburbs, five moms, and on Sunday more moms and kids showed up to join the Wild Rumpus. Then on Monday it was off to downtown Chicago and the more traditional sightseeing. We went to the Hancock Observatory, ate Giordano's pizza, and went to H&M that evening, since there is no H&M in Lincoln or Omaha. Tuesday was jam-packed for Torrin, Mira, and I as we trekked to the Shedd Aquarium, Field Museum, and Adler Planetarium. And ohhhhh, there was a Godiva store just across the street from a Hershey store just off of Michigan Avenue across from the Water Tower. Chocoheaven!

I'm eating an Extra Rich Scharffen Berger Milk Chocolate bar as I type. Smooth, chocolatey bliss, it is.Mason tried very hard to behave. And, given the fact that he was the only grown male staying in the house (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights) he really did do quite well. We had approximately three arguments, but none escalated beyond control. And now that he's had his hair transplant surgery, give him six months and he might have a wee bit more self-confidence, too. I'm not banking on this to be the cure-all that he seems to think it will be, but if it makes him happier, so be it. He went through with it despite having no support. Does that make him determined, or just insane? That's your call. My bet is on the latter.

Thursday July 5, 2007 - 12:14am (PST)

Comments
Hair transplant surgery?! Hmm--at what age again? Have to go with the latter, as well! I AM glad that everything went as smooth as is could have from the sounds of it : ) I bet the wee ones had a blast in Chicago!--E.D.
Thursday July 5, 2007 - 04:01pm (PST)

Welcome back, doll.....the trip sounds fantastic! Pizza + Chocolate=HAPPY!Call me to spill all the details.-Amber--Amber
Tuesday July 10, 2007 - 10:27am (PST)

You were in chocolate heaven?! --Tasha
Wednesday July 11, 2007 - 07:19pm (PST)