What happened to my brain?

I got all excited last week, thinking that I wouldn't see TCO at the YMCA anymore. Monday, finding the Y TCO-less, I got a bit excited, thinking that maybe he rearranged his schedule or something. About 20 minutes into my elliptical session reality first went driving by in Viktor Krum's car, then walking by my window, then onto a treadmill in front of me. Yeah so my routine lately? Is 25 minutes on the elliptical followed by 10 on the treadmill. Of course, when I was done on the elliptical machine, there were three treadmills open. Three out of oh, twelve or so? All three open machines adjacent to TCO. My bravery faltered, and I went upstairs to do my weight circuit before looking again for available treadmills.

Maybe my relationship with TCO was doomed by my refusal to accept it is a real possibility. I kept waiting for something to go wrong instead of trying to make things right.

I'm beginning to wonder also what I'm doing with a boyfriend. I am way too busy for a boyfriend. I don't have time for myself, let alone all of this that I've gotten myself into. Sometimes my perpetual hopefulness really gets the best of me. I've always wanted a nice L-H I. M., yet this year I've lost one and blew my chance off with another. What do I get instead? A very, very, very sweet PGG. Sounds simple enough, no big deal, if it doesn't work out, better luck next time, right? No. I already have two children originating from two separate dads. If I were to have a third child, it'd be with a third different person? How rotten is that? There's no going back from that. So where it should seem simple, it's not at all. It's like...if this doesn't work out, I just give up. I'm done. No more.

May this relationship not be doomed as well, by my fear of everything being over.

4 commentaires:

Queen Angela a dit…

You? Are the last person that has lost her brain. You? Are an inspiration. You? Deserve all things good. And you? Will get them, because of who you are. *Muah*

Shelly a dit…

Exactly. To this post and Angela's comment too. There's not a little girl in the world that dreams of growing up and having children with different fathers. Or marrying several different people. But it happens, quite a lot, and in the end that kind of stuff doesn't really matter. What matters is that you love your children, treat them with love and respect and don't let anyone treat you any other way. There's a saying that "love is the triumph of hope over experience". And then there's always just the fact that due to chance, one of these times it's got to be right!

julie a dit…

Don't do it! Don't doom it! Just keep talking. Take what you want -- don't push it away. You're an amazing person with wonderful children and you deserve to be happy.

La Nuit Étoilée a dit…

did you know i "heart" you guys so?