Sweet Dreams Are Made of These

Who am I to disagree?

I really didn't intend to leave things off in such cliff-hanging form. It just worked out like that...sometimes life is a little bit like the movies, I guess. I've decided that the best way to attempt to explain Sirius Black using his own words. I wish I had the older texts in my phone, because there were some really good ones...SB has been on my MySpace friends list for a few months, but I met him a few years back. He sent me a message in early December saying that he had seen me on TV (your truly beautiful, I saw you on tv the other day and you seemed kinda nervous, but to me you were a Super Star! I want your autograph). He asked me for my phone number. I gave it to him, simultaneously clarifying that yes, I did have a boyfriend of whom I was enamored. Sirius was respectful of this. He sent a sterile, short and sweet text on Christmas: Merry Christmas.

I continued texting him for the next few days through the initial Boy Who Lived weirdness, culminating with the Break-Up-Or-Something-Like-It on New Year's Day. This of course triggered a wooing-while-pitying reaction from SB. I received messages about how he thought we really had a great dynamic, even things like him considering me as a prospective future wife, but regardless of what happened he wanted to be my friend always...

I've travelled the ocean and the seven seas...Everybody's lookin' for somethin'

The following are some more recent texts (spelling errors intact):

:-) I like u a lot baby, i know u love another man, but i feel fortunate (11:31pm Mon 07 Jan)

Yeah no need to apologize, we don't owe each other anything, ur stuck sweat'n another man, while i'm sweatin' u, i need to just chill and let u get ur head str8. (9:10pm Tue 08 Jan)

Once i fall in love with u i would have a hard time with u seeing him, i almost expect it right now though, but i know u love him, and i'll be gone a lot. (9:10am Fri 11 Jan)

But just stay in contact with me, and don't have it in my face, and i'll be able to just deal with it. (9:11am Fri Jan 11)

Nothings defanate, but i plan on being connected to u for life, even if only as friends, if we cannot, then i hope it isn't my doing. (9:22am Fri 11 Jan)

I thought TCO was going to chicken out on me two nights in a row. As previously mentioned, he returned to town on Friday night. Late that night I heard from him, and he said he'd come over...but then his car died. Okay, fine. We agreed to talk the next night. But he was going to go out with his "brother"/friend/roommate person (Viktor Krum'll do as a pseudonym). Whatever!In a fit of jealousy-twinged spite I decided that I, too, would be going out on Saturday night. And I did. I met up with Sirius Black and played a game of pool with him and met some of his friends. Then I went downtown, by myself, to my stand-by going out spot, a bar with a dance floor that plays mostly electronic dance music. One of the door-guys is someone I met through my son's dad six-ish years ago and am friendly with. A friend I met through a friend is also a regular there and it's typical to see at least one other person I know. This is a big deal for me, because I'm socially avoidant, but like being around people, if that makes sense. I'm afraid to initiate conversation, but I don't relish solitude.

Anyhow, after that I headed over to my friend's house, whom we'll refer to as Neville Longbottom. Neville is a buddy from high school. We've never dated. Took Creative Writing together, happened to have a good pal in common, and have been friends ever since. I drove out to pick Neville up 4 hours west of town on December 30th. There was a big to-do concerning Neville and Voldemort a little over a year ago when I comitted the grand felony of allowing Neville to babysit Mira. Neville dealt with the situation beautifully; Voldemort made an ass of himself. That's off-subject, though. Suffice to say, Neville's my homeboy. Neville was hosting an after-(bar)hours social gathering, or as more commonly referred, a keg. I felt I was approximately 87 years old, standing in that room with a bunch of bright shiny faces, many of which appeared to be pre-pubescent. I found a girl there that I'd had a class with a few terms ago and we commiserated about an insane left-wing hippie purple-pants wearing flutter-bug instructor. I left Neville's house and promptly drove by The Chosen One's apartment that he shares with Viktor. By this time is was nearly 3am. Viktor's car was not in the driveway, but the windows were alit, despite TCO's claim earlier that evening that he was tired and sick. I flicked a text in his direction and was soon in their apartment.We didn't talk. A few words is all. One can guess the rest. This morning, I appeared as though I were mauled by a pack of vampires.

This is so definitely not a pattern I want to fall into with the Boy Who Lived. As much as I do not want to let go of him entirely, I have far too much respect for him as a person to have a pseudo-relationship. No matter how unintentional, those sorts of things end up with both parties feeling used.

Some of them want to use you...
Some of them want to get used by you...
Some of them want to abuse you...
Some of them want to be abused...